A tiger in the river

Added 1/7/15:  I was going to edit and or delete this post when I decided I would mention this little blog on my facebook page.  Then I realized that it was how I was feeling that day and poorly written or no, it was how I felt then.  I was getting sick and ignoring the problems, using something external to avoid what was going internally.  So the post stays, but with this added disclaimer.


I am not promising to write daily, but it seems I have a lot saved up.  Hopefully this is the last post of the day.  (Not that anyone is going to feel spammed, I don't have any followers for a blog I started 30 minutes ago.  The internet is fast, but not that fast.)  Anyway...

I am poly.  I live with my husband and my boyfriend in a triad.  We have been doing this for nearly 5 years and while we have our ups and downs, I think we all feel that we are more balanced this way.  While I have had lovers outside of the relationship on occasion, it is not something I pursue.

I met a B.A. via a mutual friend.  I don't know if I am interested in being friends, lovers, something else.  I don't know if I am interested at all.  But I know I keep thinking about him and that concerns me.

I don't hold much truck with astrology, but when it comes to a Leo (me) and Pieces (him), this analogy always struck me as very apt:

A tiger comes to a river and sees a fish.  The fish sees the tiger.  The tiger jumps into the river, making a lot of splash along the way.  The fish gently slides into deeper water, and looks up at the tiger from the calmer waters.  The tiger swims in deeper, making waves and chop.  The fish swims to the middle of the river, diving deeper, where the water is still tranquil and the tiger cannot reach.  The fish continues to regard the big cat.

The tiger, now quite frustrated, splashes and sputters on the river bank, trying to figure out how to get to the fish.  The fish, disturbed by the moving water, remains deep in the middle of the river, waiting for the water to still.  The fish and the tiger will remain at an impasse until the tiger stops and lets the water calm down.  Such is the nature of fish, they do not respond well to a chaotic environment.  It is not natural for the tiger to stop splashing, but it is more likely for the tiger to change its stripes than for the fish to change its scales..

However, if the tiger calms down and lets the water still, the fish is in much more danger, for now it is less likely to see where the tiger will strike when the fish resumes its swim.

I have had relationships with Pieces and they have rarely gone well, usually going the way of the tiger and the fish.  As shiny as B.A. is, it might be in both our best interests if I just let him swim away, not because of the day and month he was born, but because I am reacting to him far too strongly.

I wish it were otherwise, but I don't like the insecurities that I am dealing with since meeting him.