Never one to start small, my first experience with the community was with a group that have been producing videos and other media going back to the 1990s. During one of the sessions, I heard about actors who found the community and performed in some of the early videos. I hadn’t realized that there was such a demand for such things, but I should have, it's not like I missed the obsession that the Victorians have with the topic.
Just to ease your speculations, I only spanked, I didn’t receive any spankings at the events. While I don’t consider myself much of a top, I look at it like dancing. I prefer to follow, but learning how to lead made me a better dancer and allows me to dance as much as I would like. I found that spanking people was a similar experience. It would not be my first choice, but it allowed me to participate more and I think it improved my own skills. Unlike dancing, I find I want to have some sort of personal connection with the people I do anything submissive for. I didn't meet anyone that I felt any real connection with. That didn't seem to be a problem for me when I was on the topping side.
There is something rather gratifying about sitting down and having men respectfully ask permission to receive a spanking. (I have been told that because of the average age of the spanko community and the traditions, it can be very hetero-normative.) Like dancing, I found that it was important to notice body language and position to figure out where to lead my partners. I doubt I was the most accomplished newbie, but I was told later that the fact that my lap was only empty when I wanted it to be was somewhat unusual for someone who was not known in the community. I guess my first spanking showed that I at least had an idea of what I was doing. I had a steady stream of men more than willing to dive across my lap.
I discovered that I have a hard boundary and I am happy to see that it has developed. One of the men that I spanked asked if we could meet up again for another round. These sorts of dates are normal at such an event. I told the person that when I saw them later, we could figure out when and where. It ended up that we were both at a social event that evening. When we found each other, I asked the person to sit with me so we could plan.
We were both approached by people and the group around us cycled in and out for a while until the party dynamics changed and we were finally sitting near to each other. Figuring out a plan should have taken less than 5 minutes. I was about to start comparing schedules when a professional top sat with us. She was my age (maybe a bit younger), pretty, and had a commanding presence. She was wearing rather high heels and I feel like she just wanted to take a few minutes off of her feet and the chair next to us was free. The three of us spoke amiably for a while. I quite liked her.
While the top tried to keep me involved in the conversation, the guy I was going to schedule with seemed to completely forget I was there. I got bored and got up and walked away with a wave. I hope I didn't stalk out. I tried not to let it be a big deal.
I don’t know what happened once I walked away, but given that I saw the professional top in a different suite about 15 minutes later, I like to imagine it went something like this:
Guy: “So tell me more about how you got into professional topping.”
Top: (looking at my retreating figure) “Is she with you?”
Guy: (distracted and starting at the top) Her? Oh, we played earlier today. We were going to schedule a date later.”
Top: (looking at the guy more closely) “So there was a woman, waiting to schedule a date with you, and you ignored her until she left?”
Guy: “I have her number, I’ll just text her later. I was hoping I could schedule with you.”
Top: “Uh, dude,. 1) When a woman is willing to offer you her time, give her your attention. 2) I have seen how you treat women, I don’t schedule with asses like you. You don’t deserve a second of my time or hers, for that matter.”
Top stands up and walks away. Guy is left alone at the party full of people and realizes that he has blown it. As soon as the Top and the woman he ignored spread their story, no one is going to touch him at this gathering.
Did it really happen that way? Probably not. However, the guy didn’t contact me again nor did I see him for the rest of the weekend. The Top was very sweet to me whenever we ran into each other.
However this isn’t about him, it’s about me. I am proud that I walked away without looking back. I am proud that I deleted his contact information. This might seem very elementary, but I am so deeply trained that it is my job to make sure things happen and to please a potential partner that in past instances I would have made excuses and given him another chance.
I have a hard boundary and I can stick to it. I do not need undivided attention, but the moment I feel that my time and person are not being respected, I am walking away. At least I hope that I can stick to that from now on. I never need to feel that a more interesting person is an excuse for treating me like shit.
The choice of song seemed pretty obvious, so thank you to the Pretenders for expressing how I feel about guys who think that sort of behavior is acceptable.
Today's Song - Bad Boys Get Spanked by The Pretenders
Well done.
ReplyDeleteHere there be heteronormativity:
I have seen far too many instances, especially among women older than thirty (freaking 30!) where they will reward this sort of behavior, up their game, compete. And all this does is train guys that women are okay with terrible behavior.
By walking away, you do miss out on sex. But it's sex that ranges from toxic to mediocre, and I'd rather play Gardenscapes.