- Maxwell Maltz
Last weekend did not go well. According to DA, it was my fault. He sent an oh-so carefully worded e-mail about how he just isn't ready to be friends and that he will try to give me the space I need. This was after not giving me space last weekend.
I have drafted a number of replies, but I figure there is no point wasting my time by sending him anything. I am sharing it here, just to purge it from my system and explain my actions of the past few days.
Here is the current draft of the e-mail that I have written, but probably shouldn't send. (Oh, but I want to.)
DA,
I was trying to make the best of a bad situation. I cannot prevent you from attending fair. I cannot avoid running into you with the current backstage configuration. My director lives with you, so I can’t even have a clean break. I am stuck coping with you. The only reason I “reached out” at all is because you insisted on doing fair a few months after you ended our relationship by lying, cheating, and verbally abusing me. You hurt me and by doing fair, you will compound that pain every fucking weekend.
We had established boundaries and you violated them on the very first day. I had to step away from my group and my director because you decided that moving during a meeting was too challenging. I left the meeting before it ended because of your refusal to honor the boundary you agreed to. You couldn’t even give me space because of your social anxiety. However, I am expected to cope with mine?
You violated consent again with your so-called apology the next day. An apology that you forced on me when I was supposed to appear in front of 35 people in a few minutes. I didn’t make a public scene. I approached you outside of work hours asked what was bothering you.
I have not violated your space. I do not go to your social venues. My partners do not stalk you online. I’ve blocked you on Facebook. I’ve pulled my blog so you do not have to “deal with my emotions”. I have gained nothing from engagement with you, but you benefited from my understanding on more than one occasion.
Given how you fell apart on the phone and the subsequent email you sent me, I believe that something is very wrong. Until you take ownership for your actions, your words, your mistakes and the travesty that is your relationship with your girlfriend, you are a more destructive presence at fair for me than Kevin ever was.
He has people, including your ex, who are willing to put their reputations on the line so he can be a part of the fair. Who will speak on your behalf? Where are your friends? Doesn’t that tell you anything about who is the problem?
There is no 'someday when the hurt will ease’ if you keep hurting me instead of letting me heal. Your email was cruel and has only exacerbated a bad situation. You are an imposition, DA. That is all you will ever be as long as you keep careening like a drunken driver who refuses to take any responsibility for the suffering he causes.
You have already lost your two best friends. and destroyed their trust in the process. What more do you have to lose? I think you should consider that for a moment. You ex has friends who supported her despite her relationship with you. Kevin has friends despite all the things he has done. I have friends who stuck with me through three years of you screwing me over. Who do you have?
What social connections do you really think you can make at fair if the three of us have no use for you and nothing good to say? I was willing to defend you and understand what you were going through until you threw that in my face. You mistook my kindness as some desperate ploy to get you back in my life. Trust me, I want nothing more than for you to just go away and never come back.
I wish I could offer you something more than vitriol, but you have pushed me past my breaking point. You are not welcome, DA. Stay away. If you try to engage with me again, I will ask your directors to intercede and pass a harassment complaint up the tree to the director of the fair.
The song for today seems pretty obvious to me.
Today's Song: You Keep Me Hangin' On - Kim Wilde (cover)
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