INTERIOR OF A CAR, SEATS ARE GRAY CLOTH. THE CAR IS TRAVELING ALONG A HIGHWAY AT MIDDAY. JT IS A MAN IN HIS LATE 20s. HE IS DRESSED IN A TURQUOISE V-NECK T-SHIRT AND JEANS. HE IS DRIVING. RACHEL, A WOMAN IN HER EARLY 30s, IS IN THE PASSENGER SEAT. SHE IS IN A DARK PURPLE SWEATER AND BLACK JEANS. JT AND RACHEL ARE FACING THE AUDIENCE. THE ROAD IS SHOWN THROUGH THE REAR VIEW WINDOW.
RACHEL
Thank you for picking me up.
JT
Not a problem, you wanted to see me?
RACHEL
Yeah, I wanted to talk to you.
JT
Okay, what's up?
RACHEL
Well....
JT
(scowls)
Rachel...
RACHEL
Why don't you want to see me anymore?
JT
Oh, sweetie. You really don't understand, do you?
RACHEL
(bitterly)
Obviously not
JT
Rachel, I love you. I have loved you for a long time. I will probably never stop loving you. I won't see you because I love you. You want to focus on your relationship with your husband. I am giving you the space to do that.
RACHEL
(frustrated)
My husband doesn't mind our relationship.
JT
(even more frustrated)
Rachel....Dear God woman, how can you be so dense? You cannot focus on your marriage while maintaining a relationship with me. Actually strike that, you can. I cannot. I will not support your marriage. I have been the glue keeping you two together for months. It's a bad relationship. I can't make you leave it, but I don't have to support it.
RACHEL
Are you asking me to choose between my husband and you?
JT
(sighs)
No, Rachel. You should choose your husband. That's my point. If you want to stay in your marriage, you have to actually focus on it.
RACHEL
But you say you love me?
JT
(pained and nearly crying)
Yes, and that's why I am going to distance myself. I don't want to. I am going to miss the hell out of you. You have been a very important part of my life for a long time.
You know how I feel about your marriage and your husband, I can't watch you get hurt anymore. If you want to leave him, I will support you any way I can. However, unless you do, I can't be a part of your life. I can't watch you deliberately hurt yourself. I can't support you in what I feel is a bad relationship.
RACHEL
(tears slipping down her cheeks)
I understand, but I have to try and fix my marriage.
JT
I know, Rachel. It's part of why I love you. You made vows that you believe in and you want to keep them. If I didn't think that your marriage was a toxic waste dump, I would offer you anything to help you both. But I am scared for you. I see your husband starting to show troubling tendencies.
RACHEL
He would never hit me!
JT
He doesn't have to. The words are bad enough. He is isolating you and keeping you from the things you love. He is manipulating you, Rachel.
You have always been a bright spark and he is trying to dim you. I can't stand to watch it anymore. I am sorry, but until you leave him, I can't spend time with you. Please don't ask me to.
RACHEL
(nods)
JT PULLS THE CAR OVER AND DROPS RACHEL OFF IN FRONT OF AN OFFICE BUILDING. RACHEL EXITS THE CAR AND WATCHES JT'S CAR PULL AWAY. THE CAMERA FADES AS WE SEE RACHEL CRYING. THE CAMERA CHANGES TO JT AND THE AUDIENCE SEES TEARS SLIDING DOWN HIS FACE AS HE DRIVES AWAY.
JT is an amalgam of a number of people. So this scene never actually happened as written. However, in the last few months of my relationship with H2, I had similar conversations with two people. I took elements from both.
So the epilogue:
In one case, the relationship ended and the friendship was never recovered. They were right, they had been acting as the glue that was holding my marriage together. H2 and I didn't last more than a few months after we stopped seeing each other. By the time I left H2, they were caught up in their own life. There was a car accident and job changes and a new marriage. I have not seen them in years and while I miss them, not being a part of my life is still the best decision for their happiness. I do my best to respect and honor that.
The other case, the friendship was recovered, but the dynamic changed drastically. They got involved with the person who would someday become their partner. They were willing to be with me in a poly relationship when they were single. When they met the person they married, they committed to a monogamous one. I can't complain, I gained an additional friend in the bargain, one I think the world of.
I loved H2 and even though I knew that what was happening was getting pretty bad, I didn't want to see it. In retrospect, I know that "JT" was right and that I should have left earlier than I did. However, I am stubborn and I have a sense of duty to vows I make. I thought I was being honorable.
I regret losing both of the relationships that ended because of H2. However, what I regret more is that I could not see that H2 wasn't looking out for my best interests, he was mostly concerned for his own. I wish I could go back to my 30 something self and ask her to look beyond her promises and commitments and actually see what she was getting from the relationship and what she was missing.
Unfortunately, I can only read what I wrote that day fifteen years ago and remember how very much it hurt to lose those relationships. I hope that they remember me fondly.
I remember in the very early 80s, I heard my first long distance dedication on Casey Kasem's Top Forty Countdown. The writer asked for this song. I thought it was pretty then. Now that I am older, it always makes me very sad, because I better understand the regret and pain that goes with it.
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