"Talk, touch, kiss, bend, this one's just like all the others..."

Keto and I are "dating". although I hardly see him. He lost his contract at the Big G, so he doesn't come down as often. He has a friend crashing at his house and because of the craftsman style, there is no privacy. I've been seeing him for a couple of hours on Thursdays, but that is about it. He isn't communicative, he isn't proactive about asking to spend time with me.

We were supposed to get together on Saturday. I put this weekend aside for him nearly a month ago. Yesterday, via a short text, he regretfully apologized that due to family obligations he would have to cancel. (Family obligations are giving his cousin a ride from SFO to Reno. Since he's up there anyway, Keto is going skiing.)

What's really pissing me off is that Keto's birthday is a week from today. I planned my spring break vacation so that I would be able to celebrate with him. Further, I had planned to arrange with the friends we were seeing on Saturday to surprise him. (It wouldn't have been much, a cake, singing happy birthday, etc.) 

I could tell him this tonight and make him feel poorly. I could try to explain it carefully and gently after I get back from my vacation and treat it as a learning moment.

Frankly, I don't wanna do either. I knew Keto wasn't terribly experienced with relationships when I met him; I have tried to be understanding and patient. However, given the amount of consideration I have given his schedule, I am peeved that he couldn't at least discuss what was going on before he completely ignored mine.

I don't want to put energy into making another someone "relationship ready". It seems that I put in all the work only to hand them over to someone else who gets the benefit. What's worse, they don't appreciate the role I played by providing them a partner worth having. There are times when I want to have a very frank conversation with Jack or DA's partner and explain why they should be thanking me, not treating me like a threat.

My therapist thinks I should DTMFA. I think she is probably right. I know it would upset Keto, but I don't need someone who takes me for granted. I lived with that for far too long. I like the friends that Keto introduced me to, but if that's the only reason I am sticking around, it's not enough.  I won't make a choice until after my spring break. 

Today's song is because the new album came out and I like it. It's also somewhat relevant.

Today's Song - Fire by Sarah Bareilles