I spent this weekend, mostly Saturday but also some of Sunday, feeling like I was in grade school at the mercy of a bully. It was a horrible feeling and it is making going to the Dickens fair very difficult. It is not something new, this is a continuation of a problem that has been haunting me for the past couple of years.
Kevin returned to fair this year. He came back as a part of a different cast. I saw him at workshops, but we avoided each other. His disdain was palpable, but among my friends it was easy to ignore him.
Things changed on the first day of fair. He wasn't provocative or threatening. He just sat in the same environment as me, being very obvious. I felt he was doing it deliberately and I found it uncomfortable. I said something to some of my friends, but I didn't say anything to anyone else. I figured I would let him piss all over things, mark his territory and that would be an end of it.
It wasn't. He never did anything to that was too overly threatening. He just sat in our environment, like he was still a part of our group. It was maddening, I felt that I couldn't get angry at a person for where they sat, even though I didn't like it.
However in the later part of the day I was getting ready to play my part in the end of Bill Sikes (one of the Dickens villains). I was standing at my "station" with another actor who has also had issues with Kevin. Kevin and another actor were engaging with some of the patrons. According to my mate, Kevin was looking over at us. I was trying to watch for my cue, so I was valiantly attempting to ignore what Kevin was trying to do not 10 feet in front of me. The other actor asked my friend and I if we could take a picture of the lot of the, using one of the patron's phones.
I flailed. My friend stepped up and took the pictures. I was still discombobulated enough that I blew my cue and nearly screwed up the scene. (Thankfully, I work with a lot of fine actors so the scene carried on, despite my mistake.) When I got back to my usual environment, there he was, sitting in the same place.
I tried to speak to one of the directors, one who was near to me, but not my director. They felt that they should not get involved in a directorial sense, although they assured me that they were my friend and would support me as such. I am not sure if they understood that I wasn't angry about some fight. I don't know if they understand that I felt that Kevin was stalking me. I told them that I would be talking to the other directors on Sunday morning and that I was letting them know my intent as a courtesy. I probably didn't communicate it well, but I do respect their choice.
I think the thing that was the most frustrating is that when I told people how I was feeling, I felt like they kept trying to mitigate the situation. I had one person suggest that Kevin didn't mean to harass me. Maybe he shouldn't have been sitting in my cast's environment for so long, but he didn't mean to upset me. He didn't realize that he was interfering with a scene. He's an experienced actor and the set up for a scene was really obvious, but again, he didn't mean to intimidate me.
Kevin came back as the same character. When I spoke to his director, they used that as an excuse as to why he was using our environmental stage. He was that character two years ago. He was asked to leave the group. In my opinion, he is allowed to take the character with him if he wants. However, he is with a new cast, so I am of the opinion he should have developed a new character.
I am also of the opinion that if a cast asks you to leave, you leave. You don't come back with the same character. It's a large fair, you make a new place for yourself. Perhaps I am biased, though. I chose to leave a group. I took some time off. When I came back, I came back with a new character, one that had no association with my previous one. While I do go into the environment from time to time, I have never spent more than 30 to 40 minutes there. I do not use it as my stage. I respect the cast members who are working it all day and do my best not to step on their toes.
The next day I spoke to my director, the stage director for my environment and Kevin's director. My director was very supportive. The environmental director listened, but couldn't commit to any action. They did promise to bring the problem up to the overall director of the fair. I don't expect anything to come of it. Kevin's director was very kind, but made excuses and told me that there wasn't much they could do.
Benjamin is playing a character at this fair. There is little to no interaction between Kevin and him and hasn't been in nearly two years. For some reason, Benjamin's director was told about my situation as though it related to him. I do not know why. I do not feel that there is any reason to involve him. I did not discuss him when I related the issues to the various directors. I am really frustrated that Benjamin got dragged into this. It is his first year doing the fair and playing a character. His director had to take him aside during the first weekend to deal with this drama. The rumors I heard it's because Ben has a reputation as a shit stirrer. I have no idea how somone who was pushed from every social group he shared and blackballed is a shit stirrer. I think that the person who spent most of Saturday stalking me is guilty of harassment, but what do I know?
For most of Sunday, Kevin was scarce on the ground. I don't know if anybody spoke to him or not, but he wasn't around our environment. I was just waiting for him to show up. I did not do anything akin to improve or acting. I spent the day playing with yarn. When my director went back stage, Kevin showed up, same place as Saturday. He sat right across from me. I ignored him. I got up to do my bit with Bill Sikes again and it went much better. When I returned, Kevin wasn't there. However between the stress of the day before and looking over my shoulder, I didn't want to play anymore.
I know that if I stop going to fair, I let Kevin win. The only way to deal with a bully is to take away their power. But I don't go to fair to deal with bullies and stalkers. I go to fair to escape my life. I already went through this once with Kevin two years ago. I do not understand why I have to deal with it again. I want to feel safe when I am with my cast. I am angry at Kevin for taking that away from me again.
I am even angrier that I've let him.
No comments:
Post a Comment