While he has been fairly quiet and left me alone during the week, it seems that during many of the weekends of fair, he would take an action and violate a boundary because he assumed consent instead of asking me.
A good example would be the past two weekends and seeing DA and his parents. Yes, I told him that he was welcome to bring his parents over to see me at fair. However, I didn't mean that he could spring them on me without any warning. It was an invitation, not a commitment to be available at any point during the run.
DA told me that we could talk yesterday evening. When last evening came along, he changed his mind and said that he wasn't up for it. He expected to postpone our discussion without a fuss. He changed his mind, but I doubt it occurred to him that I might want to change mine the past two weekends.
I don't know if he does this to other people. I have the feeling that I am a somewhat unusual case. DA and I met four years ago today. Until a few months ago, I wouldn't have needed or expected any consideration from him in public spaces. We used to talk frequently enough that it was easy to make DA aware if I wasn't available.
I don't think DA understands that if he isn't communicating with me on a regular basis, every interaction has to involve consent on both sides. It doesn't have to be a big deal, but catching me the morning that his dad is visiting, when I am rushing around, is not how I feel that consent or respecting boundaries works
Regrettably, I don't know how to fix it nor do I think I should have to.
Today's song is pretty damn obvious, so I will go with it.
Today's Song - Respect by Aretha Franklin
Two things. I understand why you didn't want to do his mom a specific favor. But, having consented to see his parents, I don't see how couldn't "Just spring them on [you]." The nature of the Fair and our groups covering the floor makes scheduling impossible, unless it's to see you in a show.
ReplyDeleteYou have every right and reason to say "I don't feel comfortable seeing your parents anymore, could you not bring them by?" (for the future),
I don't understand why you consent to talk to him, besides addiction. AFAICT, nothing good comes of those talks, since the continuing disrespect, (rescheduling, etc.), doesn't seemed to have hit you with the clue-by-four that, whatever his intentions, he's hurts you when you interact.
I’m of the opinion that agreeing to see his parents should have involved a notice the day before that I could expect them and a check in to make sure I was still up to seeing them.
DeleteHe did not.