EXTERIOR: CREEK SIDE PATH. TWO PEOPLE ARE WALKING ALONG A FULL AND BURBLING CREEK. THE GREENERY IS LUSH AND THE WEATHER IS OVERCAST. THE PATH IS SOAKED WITH RECENT RAINFALL.
RACHEL IS A MIDDLE AGED WOMAN, WEARING A NAVY BLUE RAIN COAT AND BRIGHT BLUE RAIN BOOTS WITH FAUX FUR TRIM AT THE TOP. JT IS A MIDDLE AGED MAN WEARING A BLACK TRENCH COAT AND A BLACK LEATHER FEDORA. THE AUDIENCE JOINS THE ONGOING CONVERSATION.
JT
...so I took the job with the Start-Up. It wasn't as much money, but I get to do the sort of coding that interests me and if we're successful, we will revolutionize the integration of technology for people with physical disabilities.
RACHEL
(with enthusiasm)
That sounds like an amazing opportunity. I am so glad you took the job!
JT
Well, Jenna has a good position at the college, so we could afford to gamble a bit.
(obviously switching gears, his voice is tinged with concern)
Rachel, what's this I hear about you wanting to talk to DA again?
RACHEL
(frowns in frustration)
I don't want to to talk to him again. I am trying to figure out how to get some closure and I feel stymied. I thought if I didn't talk to him for a couple of months, I would feel differently. I don't.
JT
You know these things take time. You just have to be...
RACHEL
(angrily)
Don't you dare say that I just need to be patient and give myself time. I've done nothing but give myself time. I've done nothing but be understanding and considerate and wait for him to pull his head from his ass.
JT
And has his cranial extraction from his rectum been successful?
RACHEL
How am I supposed to know? I haven't had any communication with him in months.
JT
(gently, but firmly)
Do you honestly think that anything will be different?
RACHEL
(shakes her head in frustration)
I don't know, but probably not. Talking to him never goes well.
JT
Then why do you want to talk to him?
RACHEL
(stops, faces JT and spits out bitterly)
Because I still give a damn about the bastard. I still love him, as stupid as that sounds. If I talk to him, he will do something horrible and hurtful. Maybe that will push me away. Maybe I will finally get over him.
JT
(cocks an eyebrow)
And?
RACHEL
(sheepishly)
Maybe he's missed me enough to not be an asshole?
JT
(putting a gentle hand on Rachel's shoulder)
Honey...
A SOFT SPRINKLE OF RAIN STARTS UP AGAIN. RACHEL FLIPS UP HER HOOD. SHE ACCEPTS JT'S GUIDANCE TO CONTINUE WALKING. THE TWO OF THEM RESUME THEIR STROLL, WALKING IN SILENCE FOR A WHILE WHILE THE RAIN PATTERS AROUND THEM.
JT
(picking up the conversation, says in a soft tone)
Rachel, every time you talk to him, you get hurt. He promises that things will get better, that he will learn from his mistakes and then he does the same thing over and over again. Do you really believe that a couple of months of silence from you has taught him anything?
RACHEL
(sighs deeply)
Probably not.
JT
You recently had a conflict with Rope Guy, yes? How did that go?
RACHEL
(smiles a bit)
He made an understandable mistake. He recognized it quickly and didn't argue with me about my feelings. He apologized. He offered sympathy and he made an effort to prevent it from happening again. His apology was sincere and heartfelt. I felt better after we spoke. I felt recognized and understood.
JT
(encouragingly)
And?
RACHEL
(begrudgingly)
It was a delightful change from my experiences with DA. Even Keto makes an effort to change and improve when he realizes he's made a mistake.
Rope Guy pointed out that Keto and he are nearly twice as old as DA, of course they aren't going to be as stupid.
JT
(annoyed)
It's not your job to make sure that DA learns how to treat people with consideration, Rachel. This is something he should have learned in high school. It's a shame that he found a way to exploit people of your character. He is very good at finding you guys and using you. The four people he has dated in the past ten years, including you, are very similar. It seems that each of you is a giving person who just wants to help. You all also need a shit ton of affirmation.
DA is more than happy to take the help, but he is a miser when it comes to giving affirmation. He doles his regard in drips and just enough to keep people coming back for more.
His college ex has only been around for so long because she lives 2 time zones away. He had to cut Ex #1 out of his life completely after their "friendship" crashed and burned. I think he was only able to maintain his relationship with Ex #3 because he used you as a scapegoat for all of her complaints.
I also think he was playing you. You may have gotten the most honest interactions with him, but it was constant work for you. Why would you want that again?
RACHEL
(stops, pushes her hood back and lets the rain fall on her head. She is obviously frustrated.)
You think I haven't thought of all of this? You haven't told me a damn thing I don't already know. I know what a destructive impulse any contact with my ex will be.
But I don't abandon people unless I have no other option. I don't know how to let someone go. I do it when I absolutely have to, but it's the most difficult option.
I don't stop feeling JT. I don't forget. I can tell you exactly how I felt about my first boyfriend as though it was yesterday. I can tell you what it felt like to sit next to him at the roller rink or what it felt like to lie on his bed while he worked on his computer.
(winces)
Shut up, I do not have a fucking type!
(JT holds his hands up defensively and in apology.)
It has always been like that. When I care, when I love, the person becomes a part of my life. You were the person who said that I entwine myself into people's souls. Do you think that it's easy? Few people become part of my innermost heart, but when I let someone in, I don't do so lightly. I let DA in. He has been a part of my life for years. He and I were "together" for longer than I was with Jack, with you, or with my first husband.
JT
(quietly)
Rachel, I know he meant a lot...
RACHEL
(louder, almost shrill)
Not meant, he means a lot to me. I think about DA still. I don't wish we were together. I don't wonder if he is still with his new girlfriend. I don't think about what was.
I don't think. I just feel. All the time, even though I don't want to. I just fucking feel all the time. I am so damn tired of it.
JT
Sweetie, just give it some time. It's not like you got over Jack in a day...
RACHEL
Jack was my friend before and after our "relationship". He is still my friend. He isn't in my life and we don't have regular contact, but every time I have needed him, he has been there. The same way I have been there when he needed me. And Jack is different, because...
Because he broke up with me when I prioritized my marriage over him. I think that hurt him more than I ever realized. And Jack made sure that he put someone into my life that was a better match. Jack took care of me.
I am not saying that things between DA and I were all that great. I've looked at where I was a year ago. Things sucked ass. I have not felt like I could depend on that man for over a year. That's the problem, JT. I can't understand why I still care. I don't want to care. I can't figure out a good reason to care. But, I still do.
JT
Rachel, break ups are hard. We have discussed this. You just aren't used to dealing with hearthache. Just give this more time.
RACHEL
Yes, break ups fucking suck. I have done all the things. I have moved on. I have found new hobbies. I have explored new relationships. I have found people who fulfill my needs and make me happy. There is nothing connecting me with DA but unpleasant memories.
There is, as far as I am aware, only one reason that I still feel the connection. There is still something for me to do.
JT
Rachel...
RACHEL
Yeah, I know, there is no scientific proof...
JT
That's not what I mean. I have seen you do some pretty impressive feats in the years I have known you. But isn't it possible that this is just you wanting something and making up something to justify what you want?
RACHEL
(sternly)
Have I ever done that?
JT
Well...
RACHEL
I won't deny that I can be self-serving. But when I feel like this, about someone who let me go, it's something more than wishful thinking on my part.
I have something to do and as far as I can tell, it has to do with DA. I am feeling pushed and the more I try to ignore it, the more pressure I am feeling. I could wait another month, three months, whatever. I don't think the feeling will go away. I think it will only get worse. The feeling has been hitting me harder for the past few days. There is no significant date or anniversary that I am aware of. It's just something...
Ever since I read the Ivanhoe exchange between Jay and A, it's made me feel that I still have unfinished business.
JT
Ivanhoe exchange?
RACHEL
Long story. In a nutshell, two people who had to be honest about their emotions and ended up using the language of unrequited love.
(changes gears)
I want to be wrong. I have been forcing myself to refrain from contact. I promised myself I wouldn't talk to anyone about it, because I feel crazy.
But Jay reminded me that this is what I do, who I am. If I deny this feeling out of pride or a sense of getting hurt, then I am denying myself.
JT
Okay, what do you think you should do?
RACHEL
(tired and defeated)
If I fucking knew that...
JT
(exasperated)
Rachel...look you are soaking wet and the rain is only falling harder. Let's go back to your place. We'll have some tea, we'll talk more.
I wish I knew what the answer is or why you feel the way you do. But I will help you figure it out. Post this to your blog. Who knows, maybe someone is still reading...
Today's Song - Here Comes the Rain Again by The Eurythmics
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