"Do you ponder the manner of things..."

I applied for and have been hired for a stipend position at work. I will teach my usual 5 classes and I will be directing the Peer Resource/Freshman Mentor program at the high school where I work. It's the same work I have been doing for the past few years, just paid and with some additional deliverables.

Given that the class meets at 0700, I am probably insane for taking it on. However, peer mentorship and helping students to cope with their stress is something I have wanted to do since I finished my masters. The upside is that I am not taking it on alone. I like my co-teacher and I think we will work well together.

I am jonesing though. I have been living in crisis mode for so long that I have forgotten how not to. This isn't just about past romantic relationships. There just has always been something pressing on me and forcing me forward. It's not that life is perfect, but while there are always challenges, emotionally my life is the quietest it's been in years.

How do people live like this? 

I never saw myself as an adrenaline junkie, but I am used to putting out whatever fire is in front of me. I guess I do like the thrill. I don't want to invite the universe to put me into "interesting times". I just need to get used to living day to day without a crisis to solve. I want to appreciate that I can accomplish the projects that I have been putting off and start in with hobbies that I have wanted to pursue.

Why does peaceful existence seem harder than dealing with yet another fuss from DA or drama at home? (I actually know why, I am just wondering why my brain is stupid.)

Today's song is just because I've been obsessing about it for the past few days. 

Today's Song - Glitter and Gold by Barns Courtney