I was diagnosed with TMJ. I know that this doesn't make me terribly special, lots of people have it. It sucks. It sucks a lot.
I can't take most narcotics. They make me violently nauseous. Given the choice between pain and nausea or vomiting, 9 out of 10 times, I will take the pain. However since TMJ is stress related and I have a relatively stressful job, relief has been nearly impossible.
Yes, I have a mouth guard. Yes, I know about combining ibuprofen and acetaminophen. Yes, I have tried moist heat and ice and just about every other remedy that I was given. I still hurt. I still hurt a lot. I can deal with the pain, but everything else is closer to the surface. My students have noticed that my temper is short and I am not sure why the people I live with haven't killed me yet.
After more than two weeks, I finally broke down and tried *ahem* alternative medicine (I am a public employee, so until it's legal at the federal level, I could be fired, so I am not going to be declarative.) I had an online consultation with a doctor who recommended a number of different alternatives. I was rather impressed. She not only gave me a medical card (which is pretty easy to obtain), but she actually spoke to me about my symptoms, discussed potential drug interactions and how her prescription might interact my other issues and concerns.
I did not realize that there were therapies that reduced the narcotic effect and still dealt with pain. One that I really like is a menthol rub infused with additional herbal supplements. I smell like a Grateful Dead concert (or I guess it would be Phish now) but the relief is significant. I wish I could use it before work, that would help a lot. (The smell is rather noticeable, so I don't dare.)
That's actually the biggest problem. I could come to work and take muscle relaxants and/or opioids and that would be legal. My faculties would be compromised, but I could be at work. However, taking something that would ease my pain and would have few other effects is completely illegal and would get me fired.
Thus, I am in a considerable amount of pain today and can't do anything about it. It's really bad because the dog smashed her head into my nose last night. I broke down crying the pain was so bad. I did what I could, but I woke up this morning with a swollen bruise on the bridge of my nose and in considerable pain. Ibuprofen and acetaminophen haven't done anything to help. I am giving tests all day, so I can't leave.
I hadn't planned on taking tomorrow off, but I might have to. I don't have a lot of sick leave because I used it all last year. On the other hand, I am about to scream, I hurt so much.
I feel a lot of shame. I have so many negative associations with herbals and I can't use them before or during work. My initial experiences have been mostly positive and unlike narcotics, I get pain relief without nausea or feeling like I'm in a mental fog. That should be enough, right? However, I feel like I am doing something wrong and haven't been comfortable dosing myself. On my first night I had a bit too much (which was expected and I had been warned about). That would have been fine, but something came up and I had to get myself back to functional instead of gauging the effects.
I also took more than I would have otherwise, since getting back to functional also increased the pain. I haven't been able to risk oversleeping and I have been too busy with work to go to bed early. So while I have been trying to deal with pain relief, I haven't been comfortable doing much beyond topical relief.
Today's song has little relevance to what I have been writing about, it's just been playing in my head all day.
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