I am trying to say no a lot more and not worry about justifying myself to other people. It's hard.
There was bloke from SF who chatted me up online. He asked if I would like to meet for coffee. I said sure, next week would be fine. He countered with an offer to meet me whenever and wherever was convenient for me. Now I understand that he was showing enthusiasm but it came across as desperation.
When I told him that I was uncomfortable and that I had offered next week deliberately, he told me that I was overanalyzing things and it was just coffee. I didn't answer, I didn't explain. I haven't bothered to talk to him again.
There is another guy that I have been texting with off and on. Initially the conversations went well. However, after a while, he started getting creepy, asking loaded questions and wanting details about my escapades. I don't want to ghost, but whatever attracted me to him is gone now and I should tell him I am not interested.
I think part of the issue is that I might want people in my life, but I don't need anyone. People have often noted that I always seem to be dating one person or another. My usual answer is that it's easy to have a steady stream of beaus when one doesn't have standards. I think I am finally developing some.
I want to be treated well. And what is hard for me is that I want to be treated well to my standard. I worry that my standard is too high or unreasonable. I know I am not communicating it well because I have never learned how. Or what I should say is that I am learning now.
So what do I want?
There was bloke from SF who chatted me up online. He asked if I would like to meet for coffee. I said sure, next week would be fine. He countered with an offer to meet me whenever and wherever was convenient for me. Now I understand that he was showing enthusiasm but it came across as desperation.
When I told him that I was uncomfortable and that I had offered next week deliberately, he told me that I was overanalyzing things and it was just coffee. I didn't answer, I didn't explain. I haven't bothered to talk to him again.
There is another guy that I have been texting with off and on. Initially the conversations went well. However, after a while, he started getting creepy, asking loaded questions and wanting details about my escapades. I don't want to ghost, but whatever attracted me to him is gone now and I should tell him I am not interested.
I think part of the issue is that I might want people in my life, but I don't need anyone. People have often noted that I always seem to be dating one person or another. My usual answer is that it's easy to have a steady stream of beaus when one doesn't have standards. I think I am finally developing some.
I want to be treated well. And what is hard for me is that I want to be treated well to my standard. I worry that my standard is too high or unreasonable. I know I am not communicating it well because I have never learned how. Or what I should say is that I am learning now.
So what do I want?
- I want to feel like I am important in a person's life. I don't need to be the most important, but I want to feel like the person wants me around and that I matter. (I realize that is rather vague and I am working on that.)
- I want the emotional labor to be shared. I know that it's going to be an overall thing, not a daily tally sheet. But If I am looking at a relationship and I am finding myself drained just thinking about it, I am probably bearing too much of the emotional load.
- I want some romance. I am not a big flowers and chocolate kind of person. Flowers are dead and I can't eat much chocolate. But I like gestures and to feel like a person was thinking about me. One of my love languages is receiving gifts.
- While I enjoy giving gifts, acts of service is one of my big things to do. I want the stuff I do for people to be appreciated.
- In the case of the two guys I mentioned before, I want my brain and my feelings to be taken seriously. If I want to exchange sexy texts, I will let you know. If you want to exchange them with me, ask. Don't assume.
- I want problems to get resolved in a timely manner. I am really bad at this. My usual method of solving problems is to go away. This does solve the problem for me but it doesn't resolve anything with the other person. (I am not sure how to fix this. But I know that the longer a person lets me alone the less likely I will come back.)
- I suppose my last thing is that I want parameters when I am talking to someone. I understand that people have jobs, families, other people, and lives. I don't expect to be at the top of the stack all the time. If there are other obligations, let me know so I can work around them. If I am in a relationship with someone it's really hard to make plans or resolve things if I feel like they are always busy.
That's my wish list, as it were.
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