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June 9, 2017

"Swimming in a fish bowl..."

A friend of mine encouraged me to go talk someone to clear up a likely misunderstanding. I haven't done so.

It will likiely make things less awkward to leave the issue outstanding, but I realized that the misunderstanding is indicative of a larger problem. I don't resolve things well if I can't talk face-to-face. I think that the closer the relationship, the more time I want to spend with the person. I am also starting to believe that I can't relax and feel safe if I only see someone infrequently.

I don't have a clear idea of how frequently and with how much intensity I need to see someone to be comfortable. I can say what isn't enough when it happens. I have, on rare occasions, experienced too much time with a person. However, if you were to ask me to define it in hours and minutes I do not believe I could do so.

The misunderstanding, if that's what it is, was caused because of scheduling. Even if that is cleared up, the problem will remain. A misunderstanding will happen. Finding the time to resolve it will be difficult. I find this frustrating and it makes me feel anxious to leave things unresolved. I don't want to pursue a relationship that I can already see going so poorly. The person simply doesn't have the time to deal with me.

I wonder if this makes me high maintenance?

I suppose that I just have to figure out my needs. At the moment, one of those needs is face-to-face time on an ongoing and regular basis. So, I guess that I will ask accordingly.




1 comment:

  1. At some point, I started differentiating between "high maintenance" and "frequent maintenance," which helped me understand myself a bit better (as I'm the latter rather than the former).

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