Venues, Beliefs and Biases

There are many sides to every story. I do my best to be as objective and unbiased as I can be, because I feel that my doing so I am better able to work on my own issues. While sometimes I want and need love and support, I don't need an echo chamber. I have been very glad that my friends have challenged my perspectives and my opinions.

I am very glad to be able to say that I was heard and that the matter with Kevin has been resolved, at least for the moment. I don't know details (and even if I did, I don't think they are appropriate to be shared). What I feel I can say is that a compromise was worked out that satisfies my concerns. It is a compromise; we are both giving up something that is important. However, it allows us to continue performing.

Someone I nominally know was removed from a venue due to an accusation of stalking. I do not know the story at all, but their story made me think. 

I am sure that Kevin has a very different story to tell about our situation. I had someone try to defend him and I was not unbiased nor did I wish to have my perspective challenged. There is a lot of history and while I hesitate to say never, I do not believe that there will ever be more than an uneasy peace. Discussion and compromise options between the two of us were tried and failed. I did not take this to the venue management directly, this was a two year process.

However, I say with all sincerity that I do not want a situation to arise where anyone, including Kevin, is removed from the venue. I believe that when one person can demand that an individual or a group is no longer allowed to participate in a venue, the loss is felt by the entire community. I want people to feel safe. Safety, in my opinion, does not mean comfortable. People will challenge our beliefs, will disagree with our opinions and may do things that we find questionable. However, provided that they are following the rules of the venue, I do not believe people should be banned just because they make me (or anyone) uncomfortable.

I think it falls to venues to have clearly stated policies and rules about conduct, dress code, and interpersonal behavior. I believe that those policies should follow the law and therefore cannot be due to race, gender, class, or sexual orientation. I think that when there has been a violation of a venues policy and code, it should be clearly communicated to the person or people with a written statement that is signed and dated. I know that isn't always possible, but if someone is banned from a public space, then I believe that the person or people banned should have a clear understanding that they are unwelcome and what policy that they violated.

I say this as someone who has been banned from a venue. I do not know for sure, but a friend and member of "my group" who was banned in 2005 was at the venue a while back. Even though they were never directly involved and it has been over a decade, this friend was asked to leave. I am not going to waste my time and energy to drive up to a venue on a work night only to be asked to leave. I do not know what policy was violated, but my understanding is that it was based on a personal bias of the owners. I believe that the ban was in violation of laws about discrimination, which is why the reason for the ban has never been written down or communicated clearly. A "right to refuse service" is not legal basis, since that it what has been used to refuse service to people because they are the wrong color or gender. I believe that if a person owns a business that is open to the public, it has to serve the entire public, not just the people the owner wants to serve.

I appreciate the love and support I received during over the past few weeks. I am glad that a resolution has been found that did not requires anyone to have to leave the venue. I am not comfortable, but I believe that my concerns about my personal safety have been taken very seriously and addressed fully. I think that is all that needs to be said about it. 

I couldn't think of a song today.