Search through my drama

January 25, 2018

"I want a new drug, one that does what it should..."

It is time to find a new therapist. I like my therapist. I like her a great deal and in the years we have been working together, I have learned and grown a great deal. I don’t always agree with her and I believe that she could go into more depth, but overall she is one of the better therapists I have had.

The problem is her availability. Her next appointment isn’t available until late March. If I could see her during the work day, this wouldn’t be such a problem, but I can’t take a long lunch or duck out for an hour in the morning. I am competing with every teacher, every student, and anyone else who wants an appointment after 3pm.

This is not new, there are times when I will go a month or more without seeing my therapist. Before now it wasn’t a problem, but my life has changed. I have been taking anti-depressants for a few years now. While the studies are varied, I know that for me, my body needs to take breaks from having my neurotransmitter production artificially elevated. I am hitting that point. I am falling into negative moods too easily and there are other symptoms that tell me that my body needs a rest.

Going off of anti-depressants is not easy, even if it’s needed. I can do a slow wean, but I will need a lot of therapeutic support while I adjust. I want to get a consistent bi-weekly appointment. My current therapist is part of my medical group and while better than Kaiser, her availability is a problem.

I know I also need to get back into a regular routine. For a number of reasons, my sleep schedule has been disrupted and I am working on a chronic lack of sleep. It’s messing up everything, my diet, my ability to focus and my mood. I am cranky and difficult all the time. It’s becoming a real issue.

My current therapist says “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy” which is useful, but I don’t think it’s the perfect fit for me and that is her psychological emphasis. I am going to talk to her about joining her women’s group because some support that way would probably help.

Today's song, again, seemed like such an easy choice.


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