Rock bottom

I try to live by the motto that the best revenge is living well. I say I try. I can be a petty bitch sometimes. 

I was more than happy to tell my former in-laws about how I had been at the same job for going on 8 years, commiserate about all the work that comes from owning a home and how proud I was that my daughter had graduated college and was living on her own while we chatted at my son’s graduation. It was all the sweeter because my ex husband was unemployed and considering moving in with his parents.

I learned the hard way that revenge never goes well. It’s all well and good to think about it and come up with wacky scenarios involving secret agents and a German polka band, but I’ve found that revenge fantasies should stay in the realm of ridiculousness.

There is something different than getting revenge. There is letting someone hit rock bottom and not sparing them the consequences of their actions. There is a lot I don’t agree with when it comes to 12 step plans, but I believe that some people have to hit their rock bottom before they can get better. 

It’s hard, watching someone you care for fall to pieces. It’s rough knowing that you could just take one step and help them. It was a hard learned lesson to know that all helping does is make a next time more likely. It’s hard because it’s a judgement call and it’s never the right time.

I can tell you all about the concept of detachment. The idea that the other person created the mess and cleaning it up isn’t helping, it’s enabling. 

It’s even worse when the person just suckers another person, or another group and you end up the bad guy. 

Letting someone hit rock bottom is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Regrettably, I’ve done this more than once. I know that no matter how good the intention, the person will likely blame you and hate you because you stood by and did nothing or worse, made them face the actions that put them there.

It’s never a good place to be for anyone. 

Edited 6/11/18 to make it easier to read.