Since my father has passed I have tried to make sure that I keep myself busy on Father's Day. I do things. I know that the worst thing I can do is give myself time to think.
I wanted to go to Disneyland this year because between stuff and work and stuff at home and Father's Day, I wanted to go to my happy place. Even if it was with a bunch of students, it would have been such a welcome distraction.
I know that there are other things I can do, other places I can go. I know it's just an amusement park and an expensive one at that. However, if I could put together a trip with people and go this weekend, I would.
I have talked in therapy about my unresolved issues with my father. I know that my dad loved me in his own way. I know that I am not solely responsible for the choices he made in his life or the estrangement between us. Most days I am all right with it. But around his birthday and on Father's Day, I get really emotional.
I don't want to spend this weekend thinking. I hate it when plans go south, but this weekend is harder than usual. I want to escape and forget.
I probably just sound like a pouty child. I went to Disneyland for my birthday last year. I have no excuse to complain. I think I could take it better if the past month or so hadn't been such a clusterfuck. I just feel like I got punched in the gut and I don't even know how to recover. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I am trying to keep it together for work, but it's been difficult and I am tearing up at school. It isn't helping that my class is watching Hunger Games.
This is my favorite parade. I even have the song as my ringtone. This makes me happier than anything else.
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