"You'll get the message by the time I'm through..."

One of the things I have incorporated into my teaching is a series called the "Story of Stuff". I want to create a new environmental unit for all of my history classes and incorporate a lot of what is used. I don't want the kids to accept it all blindly, but I want them to question the accuracy and the veracity of what is proposed and discuss how to best build these changes into the United States.

One thing I want them to understand is externalized cost.

I don't want my students to understand it merely from a business perspective or even from an environmental one. I want them to understand it from a sense of personal responsibility. I believe that many people tend to externalize their emotional costs on to other people and do not realize what they are inflicting. If people do not see their trash, they are less likely to claim responsibility for it. I think that the same is true of emotion.

I know that I do this. I don't tell someone when I feel they have hurt me. I hide it. I wrap it up in neat packages and never tell them about it. I blame them for my hurt. I let it stew. Instead of letting them see the garbage when it is fresh and not terribly disgusting, I wait until its smelly and disgusting.  Who wants to deal with it then? 

I think that people in America treat their emotional crap a lot like they do their garbage. They throw it away, ignore it and leave it for someone else to clean up. We hire professionals (therapists) and we have all sorts of tools (medication, self-help books, etc.) But I believe one of the big problems is that we have this idea that we aren't supposed to share our problems with others and so we don't. We just let them get nasty, smelly and too much for us to handle without professional help.

I know that I do this. I know that I also end up taking on people's emotional crap. (I talked about this in a prior entry.) I deal with the smelly stuff. I pride myself on being good at it. While I am not a therapist (nor do I play one on TV) as a teacher, I spend much of my time playing counselor to my students. I see what their families, their friends, their love interests and whatever else have done to them.

Prior to teaching, I did this with my friends. I feel like I ask a great deal of people. I figure that helping them deal with their emotional trash is something I can offer. I usually don't resent it or regret it.

I may not resent it, but I am starting to regret it. I helped a friend earlier this week. We had discussed that I needed help from them, because they were someone who was a person who would help me with my emotional crap. They aren't in a position to do so anymore. Spending time with them is costly and I am having trouble compensating.

I tried to explain that to them. I tried to say, "I understand that you have to deal with your stuff, but I can't deal with you then. I can't spend time with you until we deal with mine." I didn't say that, what resulted was a fight in which a lot of their crap and mine combined into a great smelly mess.

I have stuff to accomplish today and this weekend. i can't externalize the cost to anyone else. I have to figure it out myself. I am not sure what to do about the great smelly mess. Mostly, I decided to just shove it aside and not look at it like so much garbage.

Today's song choice was obvious, as was the artist.