Specifically I am teaching about Milgram's experiments and the psychological ideas behind why humans feel obliged to obey. This compulsion is especially strong is the person has the trappings of authority.
As the child of an alcoholic, I believe that I was wired to obey perceived authority figures. It started as a defensive mechanism. If I didn’t obey my parents the consequences were often dire and rather painful. Complete and utter obedience was the rule and the idea of arguing or negotiating with them was something I never really considered.
I was a good girl.
I recently recognized that tendency was really hurting me in a number of places. Teaching is very egalitarian. While there are guidelines and standards, there is no authority to please about how I teach. I keep seeking approval and getting frustrated when I don't receive it. Unlike a corporate job, where there are reviews, project milestones and other structures, when it comes to teaching, I am the authority, at least in my classroom.
I have noticed it in my romantic relationships as well. I want to please my romantic partners like I would an authority figure. This is very dangerous and much of why I have exited a number of relationships is due to my choice to remove myself from what I have perceived as their authority.
I have had to consider this in a recent relationship. It wasn't the partner that was the problem, but their other partners who I felt had too much say in my life and my schedule. I feel I have tried to negotiate with them, but after the most recent round going nowhere, I realized that it felt like that they wouldn't work with me unless they got their own way.
The thing that I have learned about authority is that is assumed, both by the person who has it and by the people who have given it to them. People who are have authority are likely to abuse it and see it as their right to do so. While not comprehensive, Zimbardo’s Prison experiment is a good example of that concept.
I know I need to start examining the people who I consider to be in authority and what power I am granting them. I agree that leadership in any social group is needed. As a history teacher, I even believe that sometimes a democracy is an inefficient model for many groups and that authoritarian leadership can be useful for a short term endeavor.
When I see a someone in power that is abusing that power, I think it needs to be challenged. This is difficult for me. Good girls don’t challenge authority. I spent many years of my life being socialized to follow authoritarian figures to the letter of what they told me or suffer dire consequences. Saying no to authority feels life threatening to me.
It is not easy for me, but I have found ways to stand up and say no.
What frustrates me is when I see people abusing power (and it has usually been men) and no one calls them on it. It's only when the problems are so tremendous and vulnerable people (like women or children) have been hurt that people complain that something should have been done sooner. I don't think they realize that by ignoring the abuses done by the person in authority, they were compliant that the abuses occurred. Abused authority relies on people remaining silent.
According to Milgram, in those situations, people would rather say that they weren't at fault, they were only following orders of the person in authority, so they can't be considered responsible.
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