"It was such a joke to see the way it hurt..."

So the question was asked, since DA is such an asshole, why in hell do I want to build a relationship with him?

I can't really answer this question fully. But I have two things I can say to at least try and explain.

My phone is starting to act up. It looks like a new battery will solve the problem. However, DA would spend hours going over specs and helping me process what the issue is and the best way to resolve it. He would also gladly go to the Apple store with me for the appointment. I don't think I have made a technical purchase in three years that he didn't participate in by helping me research and/or accompanying me while I shopped. It's not that I can't make technical purchases without him, but he was a wonderful resource and I miss having him to bounce ideas with.

DA was the person who introduced me to design and art. It isn't that my husband and I never go to art museums. But going to exhibits with DA was always interesting. As a teacher I appreciated talking to someone whose approach was very different than mine. I really miss going to see things with him.

As I have stated, there are reasons I spent three years of my life in a relationship with him and those are two that I am still missing.

DA told me, before he flew home for a visit, that he would like to rebuild a friendship with me. He suggested that we plan an outing for January. Then he told me that he and his his girlfriend were introducing their families to each other over the holidays. In my opinion, that is a serious step towards a long term commitment.

I am well aware that associating with him in any way is self-destructive. I explained, via text, that since his girlfriend does not want him associating with me, there is no reason for us to rebuild anything as long as the two of them together. He read the message (I guess) but has not replied.

There is no reason to engage with him and so I haven't. It is a relief to know that I don't have to see him (unless he goes to 12th Night.)

Today a friend of mine sent me a picture from a museum exhibition that they were at. When I saw the picture, it was like a punch to the gut. I believe that the reason that DA had suggested doing an activity this month was likely for that same exhibit. It was something we had discussed, since it is a mix of history and design.

I had not planned this entry to be about DA. I guess the best I will do is not publicize it via Facebook. If you found it congratulations. I got hit in the gut. It still hurts me that DA abandoned three years for a woman he only knew for a couple of months. I miss him and I hate that I miss him.

That's what today's song is about, missing someone who has hurt you.

 

Today's Song - "She" by The Monkees