I am writing to you because today has sucked. Now, I understand that what I mean by suck is some of the most middle class and bourgeois shit ever, but isn't that what you are for? A place for people to complain about their first world problems?
I can't sleep and this is the third night in a row. Among the reasons I can't sleep:
- My teeth hurt. They have hurt for nearly a week. I thought it was a cavity or something, but I am starting to wonder if it is my ears. Ever since I perforated my ear drum eight years ago, ear and lymphatic infections screw over my sinuses, making them swell, with pushes on my jaw, which makes my teeth super sensitive. A while ago, I went in to the dentist, sure that I needed a root canal only to find out that I had a nasty ear infection and needed antibiotics. (I'm still calling the dentist tomorrow.)
- I started running a fever today, which given the amount of advil and tylenol I have been taking for the pain, is impressive. It also worries me because if it isn't an ear infection, that could be some serious problems with my mouth.
- My throat is sore (more support for my ear infection theory.) It hurts to swallow and it just plain hurts.
- My husband yelled at me. He was in a pissy mood and he took it out on me. He rarely yells, so forgiving him that wasn't a problem. However he didn't tell the person, whom he was actually annoyed at, that he was angry. He didn't say anything to them and that was irritating to say the least. Tell the person you think dropped the ball that you are upset at them, don't take it out on your sick and exhausted wife. (My husband and I discussed this and while I am not sure he felt that yelling at the person he was mad at would have been effective, he did apologize again for being a butt head.)
- I just wanted some TLC and attention (and I feel like I say this a lot.) I didn't ask anyone. Well, that's not completely true, but I asked too late. I should figure out people I can call when I am having a bad night. But all I can think is that people don't want to deal with my problems and so I keep them to myself.
- I don't know what to do about the on-again/off-again relationship. I don't want to let it go, I really don't. But sitting down and having a conversation about the relationship (and the fact that I don't like the constant fluctuation) is like trying to plan around a conjunction of planets in the seventh house of Aquarius. There just never seems to be a right time and the planets are just not aligning. I am ready to give up. And I know, I keep saying that...please don't start internet. If there is anyplace I can contradict myself, it should when I am writing to you.
What do I want? That's a very good question, internet. I want to feel better.
- I want to stop being in pain.
- I want to sleep.
- I want someone to take care of me. I want soothing soup. hot tea, marshmallows, a teddy bear to snuggle while I'm tucked on the couch watching movies. I don't want to be left alone, I want to be taken care of, kept company, soothed and otherwise snuggled and cuddled.
- I want my husband to stop stressing in my direction,
- I want my fluctuating relationship to make up it's damn mind one way or the other.
- I want fresh pineapple juice.
- I want marshmallows, really good ones.
- I want a teddy bear, a new one.
- I want to be gracious and accepting of anyone who does even one of the above and not feel guilty or like a bad person. I don't want to worry that I don't have anything to offer the person.
Well, at least the song for this post was an obvious one, at least to me. If you click the video link, you can skip right to the song.
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