I have a sinus infection, a nasty one. I don’t usually run fevers for more than a day and I’ve had this one for 48 hours. It bloody hurts.
There’s been distractions, good and bad. There has been kindness. My classroom neighbor is printing out and making copies for my psych class tomorrow and dropping them off to the sub. Our office clerk got me a great substitute yesterday and the same substitute is returning today. My husband brought me fruit ices to soothe my sore throat.
There’s been a lot of texting with people for the last couple of days. I’m reminded how heartless a text exchange can be. It isn't that either person is setting out to hurt the other. However the past couple of days have reminded me how important facial expressions, tone, and context can be.
That doesn't mean that a text conversation cannot be positive. I hate being home sick and having people to chat with during the day makes it feel less isolated. A friend was able to ask me questions that I don't think they would ask in person (and I don't see this friend nearly often enough anyway.) However, I was also reminded that without facial expressions and tone of voice, the gentlest push back is very easy to misinterpret as a rejection.
I am sick. I feel like crap. Dishing dirt, gossiping, exchanging funny stories or talking about things mundane is fine. Talking about a specific issue or working through a misunderstanding can be helpful, especially if distance is an issue. I am home, I can be patient and I am in a position to take my time. However, looking through the conversation, I realized that it was rife with opportunities for things to go horribly awry and I am relieved that things resolved the way they did. (I believe it was a net positive, I hope I am right.)
I am starting to think that what any conversation needs, but a text one especially, is compassion. I know that i can sometimes lack compassion, I think many people do over text. When we see a person, when we can hear them, I think something happens in our brain. We empathize and feel. We know how we feel and we can put ourselves into the other person's place.
When I text with people, I have been told I tend to monologue. I write vast swaths of words that have to be waded through. While I will certainly own that I am verbose, I think there is another reason. When I am reading a book, I can develop genuine feelings for and identify with a character. It is much harder for me to feel that way when I am reading a play. Unless the dialogue is really compelling, a play loses something when it is merely read. Cyrano is an asshole who mocks everyone and Romeo is just a whiny, spoiled brat.
I wonder if the reason I tend to write in swaths is because I am trying to help the other person relate to what I am feeling, thinking as well as saying. I am trying to give them context. I am sick. I am unhappy. I feel pain. I am excited or whatever. I want them to relate to me and understand that in the framework of what I am writing.
For once, all this self reflection has resulted in something useful. Context is everything. The way we relate to another person that frightens us is more than an obvious mug of fear and crossing to the other side of the street. It's a deeply layered set of reactions in face, mind, body. In order to look authentic when acting or doing improv, that multi-leveled context has to be considered. I have been struggling with how to present this idea to others and I realize that I can use an excerpt from a play compared to an excerpt from a novel should be a powerful learning tool.
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