I have had some concerns about staying in teaching. After a great deal of thought and consideration, I decided to commit to remaining at my current posting for the 2018-2019 school year. I am hoping that a better daily schedule and the fact that I will not be teaching anything new for the first time in a long while will allow me to focus on organization and work flow.
I enjoy teaching people and watching them learn. Like most teachers, it's the aha! moment that makes teaching more than a job.
I dislike the paperwork. I dislike the meetings. I dislike the idea that I am responsible for choices that another student makes. If there is anything that will drive me from teaching, it will be people who refuse to take responsibility for their own actions and choices.
I have been working with a young man and in the past few days, things have gone very poorly. He is dealing with consequences, and it's just not fair. He had barely scraped during after some major struggles in August and September. He pulled things off at the last minute did a lot of juggling and managed to get by, but January was a close thing. I warned him that if things didn't improve, there would be long term consequences before the end of the year.
He did not improve. He did not really try. He let things get worse. He blew off work, he didn't apply what he was learning and so he failed at the tasks he was assigned. He changed plans and didn't follow through on his obligations. He was no longer seen as reliable and people lost respect for him. I communicated with him multiple times, but I feel like he just didn't not pay attention.
In the past few days, the consequences I had warned him about came home to roost. I spoke to him yesterday and he didn't listen. He made excuses. He told me that he couldn't deal with consequences because of things that were happening at home. He made excuses about not working with me because there were other obligations that had taken precedence. He kept dodging and telling me how I just did not understand the pressures that he was under.
He told me that he needed more time, he couldn't get all the work done and I was just not understanding how difficult things were for him. I admit it, I lost my temper.
I tried to explain to him that this was not just about the past ten days. His problems were the results of choices he made in August and September and instead of trying to fix them, he put them off and ignored them. I tried to point out to him that he was engaging in behavior that was counter productive and despite multiple warnings, he was still doing it. I tried to explain that he needed to stop making excuses, take ownership of his mistakes and implement changes immediately.
He got angry with me because I told him that his time was up. He asked me if I would even could look at the work he was planning to turn in (which will be late). He told me that he had family obligations last weekend, so he simply couldn't get to the work (which was already overdue). Then he told me that I wasn't being fair and simply didn't understand.
I regret that because of the second (and third and fourth) chances I have given him, he will likely pass. I know that I am not helping him. I know that all I am doing is passing along a problem for the next person who tries to teach him this lesson. However, I wonder how many opportunities he will lose out on. This is what I hate most about teaching. I know I won't reach everyone, but there are ones where it's very difficult to let go.
I suppose part of the problem is that I know the end result of this sort of behavior. I married someone like this. My ex is charming, smart, and charismatic. He has gotten by with fast talking and making excuses. To this day, my ex won't take his head out of his ass long enough to see that he is the only person responsible for his problems. He is also the only person who can solve his problems. My ex is in a place where years of fast talking and charm won't make up for the fact that he has been making the same mistakes since he was 23 and is still blaming everyone else for not understanding his needs and not giving him time to process. I left him because he didn't understand that no one else fucking cares.
Life is about to become very difficult for this person I have spent the past year working with. If he doesn't learn to take responsibility for his own actions and quit making excuses, I can see him being in the same place as my ex-husband and I feel sorry for the people who get screwed over when shit hits the fan.
I suppose that is the reason I let it get to me. My son and I have both dealt with the consequences of a self-absorbed ass. I wouldn't wish that future on anyone.
The song isn't quite correct, but I liked the imagery and the allusion to the New Testament.
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