My cousin Lisa took her own life. She has struggled with substance abuse for years. I do not know why, but she ingested a number of pills while intoxicated with alcohol. Despite the attempts of the ER, the staff was unable to save her.
I am still processing my feelings. I don't think there is anything I could have said or done to make her feel like life is worth living. All I can think is how devastated her parents are. Her sister passed away in 2006. I can't imagine surviving both of my children. However, I know that the demons that haunted her were cruel and heartless. I know that they plagued her deeply.
I am scared. I am taking pain killers that are addictive. I don't know how long I will be taking them. I haven't touched alcohol since this all started. But there are days when I don't think I could wake up to another day of pain and bear it. There are days when I don't see the point in getting out of bed.
Yesterday...
I don't want to talk about yesterday, except to say that I know that if the pain were bad enough and I felt hopeless enough, I would be hard put not to be in the same place.
I don't have a song for today. Nothing seemed right.
June 28, 2019
June 26, 2019
"As long as you'll be my friend at the end..."
I have been stuck watching a lot of television recently. If you would have told me that I would find Supergirl to be something I could identify with, I would have laughed at you.
In season three, there have been story lines that have discussed an aging parent with dementia. There is a story line about being a single mother and dealing with the struggle of not being there for your child. There was a story about domestic abuse and the impact on a grown child suffering from PTSD. There is another about getting over past relationships while still having to work together. In another story line a character ended a relationship because the two people involved wanted different things. This has all been in the same season.
Here's an excerpt that made me cheer out loud:
"No, I don't think you do get it. I don't think you get that I gave my heart to a lying jackass, who was unaware of his behavior towards me, who disrespected me at every turn, and now is this reformed person who, what, he wants to reminisce about the good times?"
I won't deny that the show is overacted and hammy, but it's been fun and cathartic. The show is not terribly realistic. The men are really woke and supportive (most of them). A woman is the CEO of a respected multi-million dollar company and her CFO is successful while also being a single mother. (She has a nanny, see.) Yes, there is a woman who is bullet proof and flies, but that's the gimme and far more realistic than other parts of the show
I have often said that I have been very fortunate in my relationships as I have never been a in an abusive one. Upon due reflection, I am beginning to learn that while abuse is a loaded term, it is applicable to some of my exes. When I have said "fortunate" I meant that I have never been physically assaulted by a partner.
I have had multiple partners to whom I have given my heart, only to end up feeling used and rejected when I asked for my own needs to be met. I am not saying that I have never done anything wrong. I know that it takes two people to make or break a relationship. I make excuses for the way I allow myself to be treated. When I finally do get angry it comes across as unreasonable. It's not anger at one person, it's anger at many people who have done the same thing, trod the same path, because it's the path I offer.
I think I have a better grasp on how to avoid feeling disrespected. I believe the fact that I am not making excuses for Keto is a good step. I think that it's an improvement that I am not wasting time explaining things to him. I have only so much energy these days and telling him what he is doing that is hurtful would be a waste of it.
I know that I am attracted to people who tend to be emotionally unavailable. Regrettably, that means that I have two exes who have had to go into anger management. I suspect that at least one ex is struggling with narcissistic personality disorder. It has been suggested that another ex struggles with borderline personality disorder. I know I get involved with people who are codependent. I know that I am codependent and have been working very hard to stand on my own. I am not a therapist and even if I were, I am fairly sure that there are some ethical issues with diagnosing someone with whom I have been romantically involved. So I am only making connections, not psychological pronouncements.
What I will do is take the lesson that I have been seeing on Supergirl. A relationship can still hurt, still make you sad, still be painful, long after it's over. One of the characters noted that she still had her ex on speed dial, months after their relationship ended. She told a friend that she wanted to call her ex every day. And every day she made the choice not to, because she knew it was a bad idea. I can't recall a time when I have felt similar before now, but at least my friends and the media tell me I am not alone.
I will also remind myself that my husband is one of the good ones. Our relationship is by no means perfect, but it works for us. I am also fortunate with the friends and relationships I have. I am lucky, because while I have dated some real assholes, I have awesome people who are willing to put up with my poor choices and love me anyway.
Maybe it's my condition and the drugs I am taking, but Supergirl is an awesome show. Today's song was so obvious I couldn't help it. I think I've used it before, but so be it.
Today's Song = Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down
Spoilers for Season Three of Supergirl Below
In season three, there have been story lines that have discussed an aging parent with dementia. There is a story line about being a single mother and dealing with the struggle of not being there for your child. There was a story about domestic abuse and the impact on a grown child suffering from PTSD. There is another about getting over past relationships while still having to work together. In another story line a character ended a relationship because the two people involved wanted different things. This has all been in the same season.
Here's an excerpt that made me cheer out loud:
"No, I don't think you do get it. I don't think you get that I gave my heart to a lying jackass, who was unaware of his behavior towards me, who disrespected me at every turn, and now is this reformed person who, what, he wants to reminisce about the good times?"
I won't deny that the show is overacted and hammy, but it's been fun and cathartic. The show is not terribly realistic. The men are really woke and supportive (most of them). A woman is the CEO of a respected multi-million dollar company and her CFO is successful while also being a single mother. (She has a nanny, see.) Yes, there is a woman who is bullet proof and flies, but that's the gimme and far more realistic than other parts of the show
I have often said that I have been very fortunate in my relationships as I have never been a in an abusive one. Upon due reflection, I am beginning to learn that while abuse is a loaded term, it is applicable to some of my exes. When I have said "fortunate" I meant that I have never been physically assaulted by a partner.
I have had multiple partners to whom I have given my heart, only to end up feeling used and rejected when I asked for my own needs to be met. I am not saying that I have never done anything wrong. I know that it takes two people to make or break a relationship. I make excuses for the way I allow myself to be treated. When I finally do get angry it comes across as unreasonable. It's not anger at one person, it's anger at many people who have done the same thing, trod the same path, because it's the path I offer.
I think I have a better grasp on how to avoid feeling disrespected. I believe the fact that I am not making excuses for Keto is a good step. I think that it's an improvement that I am not wasting time explaining things to him. I have only so much energy these days and telling him what he is doing that is hurtful would be a waste of it.
I know that I am attracted to people who tend to be emotionally unavailable. Regrettably, that means that I have two exes who have had to go into anger management. I suspect that at least one ex is struggling with narcissistic personality disorder. It has been suggested that another ex struggles with borderline personality disorder. I know I get involved with people who are codependent. I know that I am codependent and have been working very hard to stand on my own. I am not a therapist and even if I were, I am fairly sure that there are some ethical issues with diagnosing someone with whom I have been romantically involved. So I am only making connections, not psychological pronouncements.
What I will do is take the lesson that I have been seeing on Supergirl. A relationship can still hurt, still make you sad, still be painful, long after it's over. One of the characters noted that she still had her ex on speed dial, months after their relationship ended. She told a friend that she wanted to call her ex every day. And every day she made the choice not to, because she knew it was a bad idea. I can't recall a time when I have felt similar before now, but at least my friends and the media tell me I am not alone.
I will also remind myself that my husband is one of the good ones. Our relationship is by no means perfect, but it works for us. I am also fortunate with the friends and relationships I have. I am lucky, because while I have dated some real assholes, I have awesome people who are willing to put up with my poor choices and love me anyway.
Maybe it's my condition and the drugs I am taking, but Supergirl is an awesome show. Today's song was so obvious I couldn't help it. I think I've used it before, but so be it.
Today's Song = Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down
June 25, 2019
"in the dark of the night just before dawn..."
Unless one of you was in Ukraine or someone is using some wacky RSS service, you may want to check your account. According to Google, I have a new fan there. I am not terribly worried about it. I don't have any state secrets to share. I just thought I should mention it.
There is not much to report. I am in pain. Keto is being an obtuse male and I really don't have the energy to explain to him what to differently. Rope Guy has been ill and it hit him very hard. My husband is working a lot and dealing with me. Kenneth (my husband) is trying to move his trip to China or cancel it all together in light of my health issues, so he is not being an obtuse male, something I appreciate very much. He is still working too hard.
I am not going to have much of a 4th of July. I am going into surgery on July 3rd. It's an out-patient procedure, so I have no idea how functional I will be for that weekend. I am just assuming that it's going to be a repeat of Memorial Day and every other weekend since early May. I am so tired of not doing anything and canceling the things I want to do. However the timing worked and I am hoping that the surgery will address at least some of my pain issues.
I planned this summer to be busy and productive, so I could reset some thought patterns and ideas. Instead I am spending way too much time in my own head. It is not healthy.
I am trying to keep busy. I am mostly able to keep my mind on my work, my hobbies, or on games I am playing. However, if the early hours, when I can't sleep, I go to some very dark places. I don't like them.
I just want to get better or at least have things to do to improve. I am so fucking tired of being in pain all the time. I am tired of feeling broken and worthless.
Today's song started playing in my head while I was writing this, so I am sharing it with you. You're welcome.
Today's Song - In the Dark of the Night from the movie "Anastasia"
There is not much to report. I am in pain. Keto is being an obtuse male and I really don't have the energy to explain to him what to differently. Rope Guy has been ill and it hit him very hard. My husband is working a lot and dealing with me. Kenneth (my husband) is trying to move his trip to China or cancel it all together in light of my health issues, so he is not being an obtuse male, something I appreciate very much. He is still working too hard.
I am not going to have much of a 4th of July. I am going into surgery on July 3rd. It's an out-patient procedure, so I have no idea how functional I will be for that weekend. I am just assuming that it's going to be a repeat of Memorial Day and every other weekend since early May. I am so tired of not doing anything and canceling the things I want to do. However the timing worked and I am hoping that the surgery will address at least some of my pain issues.
I planned this summer to be busy and productive, so I could reset some thought patterns and ideas. Instead I am spending way too much time in my own head. It is not healthy.
I am trying to keep busy. I am mostly able to keep my mind on my work, my hobbies, or on games I am playing. However, if the early hours, when I can't sleep, I go to some very dark places. I don't like them.
I just want to get better or at least have things to do to improve. I am so fucking tired of being in pain all the time. I am tired of feeling broken and worthless.
Today's song started playing in my head while I was writing this, so I am sharing it with you. You're welcome.
Today's Song - In the Dark of the Night from the movie "Anastasia"
June 21, 2019
“Though you say you're my friend, I'm at my wit's end...”
Today I noted to a friend that I am crazy. As I said to them, “I’m hung up on a person who has shown nothing but contempt for me and my feelings. If that’s not insanity, I don’t know what is.”
My therapist and I had a long conversation about my pain during our last session. We discussed ways I can accept and cope with it. The solutions are not magical, but if I can do meditation, it supposed to help. I am not good with meditation, so this is going to take a lot of work.
One of the things that my therapist and I discussed is having goals that I can look forward to. I can’t dance and I don’t know when I will be able to. I have already given up going to Disneyland. I had to cancel going to a convention that I had planned on for months. There are a number of other things that I want to do, but I can’t make plans until I know what I will be capable of. Bloody Hell, I am tired of having my life upended. I just want to have something that won’t be taken away from me.
DA got a few minutes of my last therapy session. My therapist actually agreed with my initial intent. She noted that asking an ex to meet up for coffee (or similar) and establish comfortable boundaries for interaction was not unreasonable, especially given the circumstances of fair.
While I will hold that I could have handled myself better, my therapist noted that when someone baits you, its because they hope you to take the bait and then they can blame you. The minute that DA insisted that his current girlfriend be involved in what amounted to a couple of coffee meet ups, there was no point going forward.
That leads me to fair. It is months away and I am not making decisions, but I know if fair were starting in a few weeks, I couldn’t do it. I can’t wear a corset. I can’t stay on my feet for long periods of time. I also know that I couldn’t emotionally deal with the bullshit.
I tried to ignore DA last season. He made it impossible. To paraphrase a comment by someone else, boundaries only apply to other people, not to DA. I don’t mean to go on about that ass. I just want the life I had back. I have managed to do years of fair without any significant drama. I am tired of not being able to get back what was taken from me.
As I said, I am not making any choices now. I am just recording how I feel, how frustrated and thwarted I feel about all of this stuff. I am angry. I am frustrated. I know that I have a lot of privilege in my life, so regret is this comes off as whining. I just want my fucking life back, no drama at fair, no stupid boys that don’t care about me that I am still stupid about.
I am tired of working so hard. I just want things fixed and resolved.
I have been watching a lot of television. Thank goodness fo streaming services, at least if I have to sit a lot in a semi-stoned state with no plans, at least I’m entertained. One of the songs I heard today made me think about what I wanted to write.
Today’s Song = Cruel to Be Kind by Nick Lowe
June 10, 2019
"Purse, full, big, bills, bitch I'm a big deal..."
I am doing better today. It took a lot of pain killers to get through yesterday. I don’t know what made it so bad. I hate to give that sort of weight to my relationship with DA. Whatever caused it, yesterday was all sorts of new agony, sobbing in anguish and mostly just being miserable.
My husband and I had a long conversation about my relationship with DA. My husband is very worried about me. While I was crying, my husband told me that I need to “let him go”. He’s not wrong, but his timing left something to be desired.
Yes, I need to let DA go. Water is wet and the sun rises in the east. I get it, I get it. I blocked him on social media. As I noted my husband went through and deleted him from my phone.
I know it was wrong, but I decided I wanted the final fucking word.
I emailed:
I thought you meant what you wrote when you declared that reestablishing our friendship would be a difficult and painful process. I was heartened when you said what we meant to each other made the work worthwhile. It gave me hope after our last phone call.
Life has been challenging and depressing for the past few weeks. I needed hope. Our last phone call was the one of the few things that got me through some very painful days. Please don’t hold it against me for clinging to the idea that someone I once called my best friend was a person who would sympathize and forgive me, even if I didn’t deserve it.
I regret you had to be so harsh before I understood that you can never again be my friend.
I will do my best to let go. I will try to shut off the feelings that I was set up to fail and that a certain girlfriend is the reason that DA was more of an ass than usual. I know in situations like this the reasons are not logical and not worth asking about.
I know I can’t make any long term choices right now. I am still trying to figure out what’s medically wrong and how long I am going to have to deal with this pain. One of the things I am considering is taking a year off from the Christmas Fair. I couldn't wear a corset in my current state, for one thing.
However it is also because my past. I am tired of having to watch my every step and every word. I am tired of having to play nice. I can’t imagine coexisting with someone who treated me with such callousness when I was already in such pain. I feel like I wouldn’t be missed, whereas if DA or “the ex” were to skip the fair, it would be a problem for The Powers That Be. I
I know I don’t have to make a choice today or even soon. This is a blog, I am spitballing ideas so I can process. Today I am trying to understand what I did to deserve to be treated like this. I want to know why I feel like I am the one who is getting punished. What did I do wrong?
I don't need to keep going, today is not a good day, I am in pain. I am hurting. I just need to get through this and hope it gets better.
I don't feel like a sad song about letting go. Fuck that noise. I chose a song that makes me feel better. I wish I felt like this more often.
Today's Song - Nails, Hair, Hips, Heels by Todrick Hall
My husband and I had a long conversation about my relationship with DA. My husband is very worried about me. While I was crying, my husband told me that I need to “let him go”. He’s not wrong, but his timing left something to be desired.
Yes, I need to let DA go. Water is wet and the sun rises in the east. I get it, I get it. I blocked him on social media. As I noted my husband went through and deleted him from my phone.
I know it was wrong, but I decided I wanted the final fucking word.
I emailed:
I thought you meant what you wrote when you declared that reestablishing our friendship would be a difficult and painful process. I was heartened when you said what we meant to each other made the work worthwhile. It gave me hope after our last phone call.
Life has been challenging and depressing for the past few weeks. I needed hope. Our last phone call was the one of the few things that got me through some very painful days. Please don’t hold it against me for clinging to the idea that someone I once called my best friend was a person who would sympathize and forgive me, even if I didn’t deserve it.
I regret you had to be so harsh before I understood that you can never again be my friend.
I will do my best to let go. I will try to shut off the feelings that I was set up to fail and that a certain girlfriend is the reason that DA was more of an ass than usual. I know in situations like this the reasons are not logical and not worth asking about.
I know I can’t make any long term choices right now. I am still trying to figure out what’s medically wrong and how long I am going to have to deal with this pain. One of the things I am considering is taking a year off from the Christmas Fair. I couldn't wear a corset in my current state, for one thing.
However it is also because my past. I am tired of having to watch my every step and every word. I am tired of having to play nice. I can’t imagine coexisting with someone who treated me with such callousness when I was already in such pain. I feel like I wouldn’t be missed, whereas if DA or “the ex” were to skip the fair, it would be a problem for The Powers That Be. I
I know I don’t have to make a choice today or even soon. This is a blog, I am spitballing ideas so I can process. Today I am trying to understand what I did to deserve to be treated like this. I want to know why I feel like I am the one who is getting punished. What did I do wrong?
I don't need to keep going, today is not a good day, I am in pain. I am hurting. I just need to get through this and hope it gets better.
I don't feel like a sad song about letting go. Fuck that noise. I chose a song that makes me feel better. I wish I felt like this more often.
Today's Song - Nails, Hair, Hips, Heels by Todrick Hall
June 9, 2019
“I remember everything that you claimed...”
There are days when I wake up and I think I today will be different. I think that I will wake up and I won't be in pain. Today is not that day.
Todays song is going obvious.
Today’s Song - What goes around...comes back around by Justin Timberlake
As I mentioned, DA and I had been talking. It was going poorly, mostly because of me. I noted that I was very ill and in pain and apologized for my behavior. I said that I hoped we could meet up again at some point when I was feeling better, but in the meantime, I wouldn’t be contacting him again while I focused on my recovery. I also asked that we stop communicating via text/e-mail for the time being.
Of course, DA had to get the last word. It doesn’t matter what he wrote or how politely, he shouldn’t have written anything. He could have just accepted my ambiguous “maybe someday”.
Oh no, DA had to carefully explain how we could never be friends and why. After not writing me for over two weeks, he managed to send me multiple emails in one day to explain to me how horrible of a person he thought I was because we fell into the same patterns as before.
I am not angry that he said no contact or that we can’t be friends. That is his decision and in this case he is obviously right. The reason I am angry is because he didn’t have to follow up today. He could have simply said that we could discuss the matter when I was feeling better. He could have held his “never” until I wasn’t in the midst of multiple medical issues. He didn’t have to be cruel.
I haven’t been doing well and the stress and anger from DA set off a chain reaction. Something snapped and something caused absolutely agonizing pain. I have taken everything in the medical arsenal and I am still hurting like a motherfucker.
My husband is very upset. He blocked DA from my phone (with my permission) and has asked me to never contact DA again. He noted that this isn’t the first time that DA did something so callous, but it will be the last.
I don’t think DA is responsible for my pain. I have been holding a lot in. I have been surviving from day to day, barely holding together. I am fragile. DA just triggered an emotional avalanche, he was merely the loud crack, the falling mountain had little to do with him. He was just his usual asshole self.
I just wish, even though I know it’s impossible, that DA could get a taste of what his actions feel like. I wish he could feel what it’s like to have someone that you have cared for, supported, and loved just turn their back on you when you are feeling so desperately low. I wish he knew what it was like to get stabbed in the gut when you are already bleeding on the floor.
I really can’t complain, Karma has been very kind to me. I have had the joy of living well while my exes have dealt with mistakes they made because they were trying to screw me over. Maybe I will get as lucky in the future.
Todays song is going obvious.
Today’s Song - What goes around...comes back around by Justin Timberlake
June 7, 2019
“Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear...”
It’s 2:30 in the morning. I go to the urologist today. I’m not sure what scares me more, the doctor knowing what’s wrong and it being something serious or the doctor not knowing. All I know is that I am so tired of being in pain. It’s been a month of having to take medsthat are screwing with my body, brain, and sleep cycle.
I guess it’s allowed me to see who I can depend on.
In response, he’s ghosting me. The cowardly motherfucker couldn’t even find the decency to say that he wanted radio silence. I had to figure it out.
I would understand if I had engaged in stalkerish behavior or something. But I don’t think I did. I have tried to be respectful. What’s even worse is that I believe he’s been reading my tarot blog. It’s sort of obvious if there isa ping on the blog right after I contact him, a blog I hadn’t updated in three days.
In my more paranoid moments, I think he’s somehow reading this blog. When we were still communicating, he quoted this blog to prove a point. The entry was one from right before I moved it and then made it log in only. But how did he have the perfect quote on hand?
Look, my brain gets it. He’s trash and I’m better off without him. However, when I’m in pain and emotionally defenseless, his actions cut deep. What’s truly frustrating is that I know we were never happy. We had a toxic relationship and I spent most of it forgiving his mistakes. I know I engaged in behaviors I’m not proud of. I think his ex, that has caused me so much grief is a right Berk. However, I better understand why he behaved the way he did after DA cut him off. DA really brings out the worst in some people.
So I’m in pain, pissed off and emotionally hurting. Just because I know it’s stupid doesn’t make it any easier nor does it prevent me from waking in the middle of the night and crying. I know it’s not really about DA, it’s just easier for my brain to focus on that rat bastard then some mysterious medical malady that no one can diagnose.
What song is better than one that starts, “I can’t get to sleep...” and goes on to worrying about nothing?
Today’s Song - Overkill by Men At Work
- Keto does not know what to do. He was never someone that I would turn to for support, but his utter lack of trying is disappointing.
- KzF is kind without being pushy. I could lean on him more, but I don’t feel comfortable doing so.
- My friends have been thoughtful and supportive, although I haven’t really been reaching out.
- Rope Guy has been stalwart and compassionate. I continue to be grateful to have him in my life.
- My husband has been trying so hard and this sort of thing is not his emotional forte. I’m proud of how much he’s grown and happy to reap the benefits.
In response, he’s ghosting me. The cowardly motherfucker couldn’t even find the decency to say that he wanted radio silence. I had to figure it out.
I would understand if I had engaged in stalkerish behavior or something. But I don’t think I did. I have tried to be respectful. What’s even worse is that I believe he’s been reading my tarot blog. It’s sort of obvious if there isa ping on the blog right after I contact him, a blog I hadn’t updated in three days.
In my more paranoid moments, I think he’s somehow reading this blog. When we were still communicating, he quoted this blog to prove a point. The entry was one from right before I moved it and then made it log in only. But how did he have the perfect quote on hand?
Look, my brain gets it. He’s trash and I’m better off without him. However, when I’m in pain and emotionally defenseless, his actions cut deep. What’s truly frustrating is that I know we were never happy. We had a toxic relationship and I spent most of it forgiving his mistakes. I know I engaged in behaviors I’m not proud of. I think his ex, that has caused me so much grief is a right Berk. However, I better understand why he behaved the way he did after DA cut him off. DA really brings out the worst in some people.
So I’m in pain, pissed off and emotionally hurting. Just because I know it’s stupid doesn’t make it any easier nor does it prevent me from waking in the middle of the night and crying. I know it’s not really about DA, it’s just easier for my brain to focus on that rat bastard then some mysterious medical malady that no one can diagnose.
What song is better than one that starts, “I can’t get to sleep...” and goes on to worrying about nothing?
Today’s Song - Overkill by Men At Work
“The candles blew then disappeared...”
I am scared.
I was 19 when my paternal grandmother died of ovarian cancer. However, I didn’t really know what was happening.
I remember the second time, when it was my maternal grandmother. The unexplained pain, weeks of doctor visits and tests, and then finding out it was cancer. I was 23 when my maternal grandmother passed away due to the same type of ovarian cancer.
I saw her go through every stage. I foolishly looked up ovarian and renal cell cancer last night. I understand the tests that been have ordered. I know I’m at risk. I’m scared. When I shared my fears, the few people I told were quick to tell me it’s unlikely. They are probably right. I’m just worrying over nothing. It wouldn’t be the first time. I know medical science has come a long way since both of my grandmothers died.
I know that my health issues are likely something really benign, albeit painful. But this has been going on for over a month and still no answers. I dwell in the valley of worst case scenarios, and this past month has provided a lot of fodder for the brain weasels that live there.
I’m just scared, in pain, and tired. So what better song for today?
Today's Song: Don't Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult
I was 19 when my paternal grandmother died of ovarian cancer. However, I didn’t really know what was happening.
I remember the second time, when it was my maternal grandmother. The unexplained pain, weeks of doctor visits and tests, and then finding out it was cancer. I was 23 when my maternal grandmother passed away due to the same type of ovarian cancer.
I saw her go through every stage. I foolishly looked up ovarian and renal cell cancer last night. I understand the tests that been have ordered. I know I’m at risk. I’m scared. When I shared my fears, the few people I told were quick to tell me it’s unlikely. They are probably right. I’m just worrying over nothing. It wouldn’t be the first time. I know medical science has come a long way since both of my grandmothers died.
I know that my health issues are likely something really benign, albeit painful. But this has been going on for over a month and still no answers. I dwell in the valley of worst case scenarios, and this past month has provided a lot of fodder for the brain weasels that live there.
I’m just scared, in pain, and tired. So what better song for today?
Today's Song: Don't Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult
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