"Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see..."

I've been on a pretty negative course. I have been trying to adjust and improve, but it's been a tough journey and it often feels like I am mired in the mud.

A year ago today, I found out that a friend I went to high school and college with, Dave, had been killed in a hit and run accident. The world is a darker place without him.

A number of us chose to see the loss as a wake-up call. It was time to make changes, improve social interactions, and live our lives in a way our friend would have appreciated. So I am going to try and take a moment to think of the positive things I have learned or changed that resulted directly or indirectly from his loss.

• While I can't ever understand it, I have a better perspective on how hard the death of my cousin was on her older sister (who is also my cousin). 
• I have learned that I need to spend time on being creative and enjoy my wackier and crazier ideas.
• I have renewed my love for Queen.
• I have started gaming with my friends from high school/college and reconnecting with them, at least somewhat.
• I am reading more comics
• I'm trying to spend more time with all of my friends, pursuing the hobbies I enjoy and exploring new ones. 

Dave and I were not close. We were mostly passing acquaintances who had a lot of history and shared a social circle. I know my grief is nothing compared to the people for whom he was a daily part of their lives. I think that is what has been most significant for me. I have learned that there are a lot of neat people in my life and I should really make the effort to get to know them better. I will never have the chance with Dave. I don't want to miss out on my other chances.

My favorite memory of Dave was some random morning in the choir room when we were both in high school. He was playing the piano and started singing the beginning of Bohemian Rhapsody. I cannot express how beautiful his voice was. It was like a bell chime, one of the purest and sweetest voices I have ever heard.

At the transition, we all joined in and some 20 people did an impromptu sing-a-long for the rest of the song. I might be remembering it wrong, but in my head, Brandon was right next to Dave and the choir teacher even joined in. At the end, we all quieted down and let Dave finish the song, with Brandon providing the wind blowing. I suppose it doesn't matter if it really happened that way, because the image is one I cherish. It embodies to me what made Dave so amazing. He just started something and we all fell into harmony along with him and made something amazing and fleeting.

It reminds me that some of the purest expression of joy is one that is ethereal and impermanent.