I heard through the grapevine that a person with whom I have had nothing but conflict has decided not to participate in fair this year. I feel that given the nature of their complaint, I am somewhat responsible for their choice. (They have never said as much to me directly and the rumor did not name anyone.)
I wrote them an email yesterday. I tried to keep it short and to the point. I told them that a mediator was available to help us and that I had approached her. I included a copy of the message I sent to the mediator so that they could establish contact if they want to. Why? Because despite the fact that this person has caused me a great deal of grief, it's not fair that something that they enjoy as much as participating at Christmas fair is being taken away from them.
They have not replied and I expect that they won't. However, I feel better for having made the attempt. I also know that if they want to screw me over, I have given them a means to do so.
I know this because it has happened to me before. When I left my first husband, I recognized that I was not going to be the best parent. My job had no flexibility to work from home. I was still establishing myself in my new apartment. Her father could better provide for her. It was the right thing to do. I paid child support, I moved to taking my daughter 50% of the time as quickly as I was able. I tried to be a contributing co-parent. I tried to be fair.
My ex did not agree with me. The rumors that got around about me and the way I left him cost me friendships. When he complained, he neglected to mention the money I was giving him monthly or that I rarely, if ever, missed a scheduled visitation. He tried to take her away from me on multiple occasions, including getting a restraining order. I was served at work. (Getting served at work can cost you a job, because it suggests that you are dodging legal summons. The law firm he employed never tried to reach me at home.)
I learned the hard way that he thought that my attempt to do what was best for my daughter allowed him to say that I was abandoning her. He was a dedicated father. I didn't think that taking him to court, getting alimony and child support and screwing him over for wanting to be a father was the way to go. I was able to work. He had a job that allowed him to work from home and come in late. He was able to provide a better home for my child when I left. I never expected that he would use that against me for the rest of her childhood. I am sure he can justify everything he did, but I don't think it was fair.
My second husband saw what he did and how much pain it caused us both. Then he pulled the same crap with our son. I know people aren't fair or that they don't agree with my idea of fair. And yes, I tried to be fair to DA and I got screwed by him and his current partner. I really know better.
However, my sense of integrity and honor is something I stubbornly cling to. I would not be me if I didn't try to do the right thing. So even though it will probably bite me in the ass, I contacted the person who has caused me so much grief over the past four years because it felt like the right thing to do.
I wish I could get over my own stupid ethics. It might be a bit grandiose, but I chose today's song because it reminds me that at the end of the day, the only person whose judgement matters is mine. I hope that I showed my children what integrity and honor is and that they understand why I did what I did.
Today's Song - Dream On by Aerosmith
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