"I'm too old to go chasing around, wasting my precious energy."

Benjamin and I started talking again. There were some texts, a few e-mails and we have met in person twice, trying to rescue this sad excuse for a relationship.

I know that it is ill advised. I knew that things wouldn't get better. But I still held out hope.

I e-mailed him that if there were no positive interactions, there is no reason to continue spending time together. I wish that it were otherwise, but this is just tiresome. He responded that he would respond today, but I am not sure what he could possibly stay. I am not hopeful.

Benjamin is too far gone. Every interaction has been negative. I am not sure how to explain it, but we can no longer effectively talk. It feels that every recent communication between us has been increasingly negative. I finally just had to give up. I can see no way for us to salvage anything.


I have two songs today:

I want something and someone who no longer exists. I am going to deeply miss my relationship with Benjamin, but the person I thought I knew and loved, not the depressed and negative person I only see now.