How can people have no feelings /How can they ignore their friends

I just spent the past hour walking around my campus talking to my colleagues. I resolved a number of the things that were causing me stress at work. Usually I just e-mail because I am on the other side of campus from my department. The upside has been that I am almost completely unaware of any of the drama that has been going on. The administration also forgot that I could be called upon to proctor for PSAT testing next Wednesday, so I will have a wonderfully easy day.

The downside is that I don't talk to my coworkers nearly often enough. I opted out of the collaboration time due to union concerns. My current schedule makes it difficult for me to get over to the department office for lunch. I have been really anxious and depressed, which has made leaving my classroom even harder.

I was also reminded that talking is always better than writing or texting. Talking to someone openly and honestly, face to face can resolve a lot of issues. It can't resolve everything and communication is something I have been poking at. I was not raised by conversationalists. My family is made up of linguists, historians and storytellers. We are great at holding court and dominating the conversation, but listening is not one of my better skills. In addition, I spend my day being approachable to 160+ teenagers. I am tired of handling everyone's problems, by the end of the day, I find it very hard to listen after a day of not feeling heard.

I am going to try and get better at listening. I stumbled across an article about the Ford Technique, it's a bit simple, but it is a place to start with my students (and everyone else.)

Relationship Processing

I know I have been writing up a storm in my blog. I feel like I am mostly purging my cache. I feel like it's repetitive and not me at my most constructive. I believe that's perfectly acceptable, I am processing and in my opinion what I have been writing is what processing is. Anyway, I don't see my therapist for two more weeks. :-/

Someone recently commented to me and said, "So, you broke up with that person?" And I had to think about it and I said, "Technically you can't break up a relationship that was already off and on. Don't get me wrong, there is, was, and likely will be a relationship. However, whatever we were it was undefined and I believe that was part of the problem."

They gave me a look and told me to quit being a such a damn diplomat and just talk.

 I thought about it for a minute and I tried again, "Ok, yes, I guess you could say I broke up with them, but in my head. It's not what I wanted. It's not making me happy. I tried e-mailing, but I felt it was just us taking pot shots at the other and it wasn't resolving anything. I tried texting, but that wasn't any better. We aren't talking, we haven't spoken since things when so badly on Monday. I just backed off of them and the relationship."

I continued, 'I can't stand being in limbo and I feel like we have been in relationship limbo for so long. I decided that I should try to move forward as though we are "broken up". I have a blog, I wrote down that we were broken up because that is a reflection of my current reality and made it real to me. Because hope is killer when your heart is broken.. Already frustrated, angry and in the middle of a raging snit, I took their silence to what seemed like an obvious conclusion that they had already broken the relationship with me and left me in the dust.'

My friend nodded and responded, "So you were tired of having Schrodinger's Relationship?"

I frowned and said, "I guess that is as accurate as anything, and honey I love you, but you are a huge nerd."

"You're going to blog this aren't you?"

"Umm...yeah."

Another song from Hair, but I am going with the Three Dog Night Version, since I can't find a better version on You Tube.