"Watch over me with a mother's eyes..."

I feel so alone. Even though there has been an outpouring of support and love, (which I really appreciate), it's been mostly virtual and while wonderful, I just want to relax into someone's arms.

There's my husband and my son. They have been supportive, but they are grieving too. I couldn't let go last night. Today, some of my students have offered hugs, but I have to maintain propriety and I can't really relax for fear of crossing a line.

I am not good at asking for help. When people have offered it, I tend to shy away. Someone offered this morning and I declined because it was the "right thing to do". And they took me at my word and walked away. I just feel so alone and so I lashed out.

I can't speak for anyone else, but if you really want to help, don't ask me. I am giving blanket consent for hugs and whatever support you wish to offer. I will do my best to be thankful and appreciative. Bear with me if I don't seem so right away.

I am overwhelmed. I have a lot going on right now and I have just hit my logistical limit. I can't plan, coordinate, or organize anything. If you ask, I will say no, not because I don't want your help but because I can't figure anything out, much less what I should ask for.

I am in a negative space and it's really hard not to isolate myself from everyone. Reaching out is energy I simply don't have. If all you can offer is virtual help, thank you. I appreciate it. If all you can do is leave me be and not burden me, that's fine, too.

I'm just begging you, today, don't ask me to do anything. Please don't expect anything of me.