THE WHOLE FOODS IS CROWDED WITH HOLIDAY SHOPPERS. CHRISTMAS CAROLS PLAY OVER THE PA. RACHEL IS DRESSED IN A LOOSE T-SHIRT. HER JEANS ARE TUCKED INTO BLACK UGG BOOTS. HER HAIR IS PULLED BACK IN A CLIP. JT IS WEARING HIS USUAL BLACK SHIRT, BLACK PANTS AND BLACK SWEATER. HE IS WEARING A GRAY NEWSBOY CAP, COCKED SLIGHTLY TO THE LEFT.
JT
And then what happened?
RACHEL
His mother was there in front of me. My stomach flipped and I was flummoxed on stage. I fucking
hate that!
JT
Yeah, and when you tried to explain she defended her son, big surprise?
RACHEL (distractedly checking lettuces)
I didn’t ask to see her. I warned DA that I wouldn’t lie for him again. If he couldn’t make it clear to his mother that he cut me out of his life, not my problem.
JT
Did it occur to you that his mother wanted to see if that’s what was really what was going on? It seems that DA’s mother has grown fond of you. Maybe she didn’t believe what he told her.
RACHEL (shrugs)
What mother wants to hear that her child is a misanthropic snot bubble?
JT (chuckles)
Snot bubble?
RACHEL (smiling)
It started during first weekend of workshops. We were discussing how annoying snot bubbles were and it went from there.
JT
Rachel, when was the last time you said something nice about DA?
(Holds his hands up as she starts in. He hands her some radishes)
I’m serious, Rachel. You know that the cycle has to break and you know you have to be the one to do it. What if you had told DA that it was nice to see his mother?
RACHEL (seething, throwing apples into a bag)
After what the man put me through, you want me to forgive him?
JT
No. I didn’t say that. But every time you talk about him, there’s a new epithet, a new reason to be upset. The man could send you roses and you’d complain that there were thorns on them.
Look, I’m more relieved than most that you and that ass aren’t together. You were so unhappy. I know he hurt you. I’m not saying otherwise. It’s been a year sweetheart. You two are done with each other, likely for good. However you were together for a long time, so let’s change the narrative.
Tell me something nice about him.
RACHEL (glares and sighs)
I shared a couple of his dinner ideas with Lefty Teacher. DA had some fairly healthy and quick meals that were for one or two people.
JT
Better. Now tell me something you miss about him.
RACHEL PUSHES HER CART THROUGH THE CROWDED STORE. HER POSTURE IS TIGHT AND TENSE. JT FOLLOWS AFTER HER, LETTING HER WALK IT OUT.
RACHEL
Dancing.
JT
Dancing? You danced just a couple of days ago.
Rachel (through gritted teeth)
I miss dancing with him. I miss the way we would fall into perfect step, moving like we were meant to dance forever. I miss how it felt. I miss the way he looked at me, like I was the most wonderful person in the world. I don't know if he meant it when he said I was the best partner he'd ever had, but I know that he has been the best I have ever danced with.
And then what happened?
RACHEL
His mother was there in front of me. My stomach flipped and I was flummoxed on stage. I fucking
hate that!
JT
Yeah, and when you tried to explain she defended her son, big surprise?
RACHEL (distractedly checking lettuces)
I didn’t ask to see her. I warned DA that I wouldn’t lie for him again. If he couldn’t make it clear to his mother that he cut me out of his life, not my problem.
JT
Did it occur to you that his mother wanted to see if that’s what was really what was going on? It seems that DA’s mother has grown fond of you. Maybe she didn’t believe what he told her.
RACHEL (shrugs)
What mother wants to hear that her child is a misanthropic snot bubble?
JT (chuckles)
Snot bubble?
RACHEL (smiling)
It started during first weekend of workshops. We were discussing how annoying snot bubbles were and it went from there.
JT
Rachel, when was the last time you said something nice about DA?
(Holds his hands up as she starts in. He hands her some radishes)
I’m serious, Rachel. You know that the cycle has to break and you know you have to be the one to do it. What if you had told DA that it was nice to see his mother?
RACHEL (seething, throwing apples into a bag)
After what the man put me through, you want me to forgive him?
JT
No. I didn’t say that. But every time you talk about him, there’s a new epithet, a new reason to be upset. The man could send you roses and you’d complain that there were thorns on them.
Look, I’m more relieved than most that you and that ass aren’t together. You were so unhappy. I know he hurt you. I’m not saying otherwise. It’s been a year sweetheart. You two are done with each other, likely for good. However you were together for a long time, so let’s change the narrative.
Tell me something nice about him.
RACHEL (glares and sighs)
I shared a couple of his dinner ideas with Lefty Teacher. DA had some fairly healthy and quick meals that were for one or two people.
JT
Better. Now tell me something you miss about him.
RACHEL PUSHES HER CART THROUGH THE CROWDED STORE. HER POSTURE IS TIGHT AND TENSE. JT FOLLOWS AFTER HER, LETTING HER WALK IT OUT.
RACHEL
Dancing.
JT
Dancing? You danced just a couple of days ago.
Rachel (through gritted teeth)
I miss dancing with him. I miss the way we would fall into perfect step, moving like we were meant to dance forever. I miss how it felt. I miss the way he looked at me, like I was the most wonderful person in the world. I don't know if he meant it when he said I was the best partner he'd ever had, but I know that he has been the best I have ever danced with.
Everyone else saw it to. We were magic on the floor, no matter the style. We could swing, waltz, polka, contra, probably even two step like we were born to it. I have danced since then. I have danced with some better skilled partners. However, I have yet to dance with anyone who made me feel like he did. I wonder if I ever will.
JT (enclosing her into a hug)
I am sorry, sweetheart. I can only imagine how much you miss that. You are right, you two were amazing dance partners.
And when you want to say something mean or cruel about him, I want you to remember dancing with him. Everything else that you can doubt or wonder about, let it go. I sincerely doubt he will find someone to match you. You are amazing as a partner. You make your partner feel like Fred Astaire. If you ever doubt how DA felt about you, just remember dancing with him.
RACHEL (eyes welling up)
Why? Why would I want to remember something I will never have again. He was the one who ruined us.
JT (Letting her go with a squeeze)
Rachel, why don't you blame his girlfriend? The last time we spoke about her you told me that if you ever saw her you'd thank her for managing what DA and you couldn't do. You told me that she seemed like a smart and accomplished woman. It sounds like you respect her.
Rachel (sniffling)
I don't know if I respect her. However, I realized that everything I know about her is from DA. Given how he played me and his other girlfriend off of each other, I can only imagine that he has repeated the pattern. It's much easier to blame everything on me than to admit what he did wrong. It's easier for his current girlfriend to do the same. She can't dislike me, only the person that DA has told her exists.
JT
And how did you come to this very wise conclusion, Oh Sage of the Heart?
RACHEL (slaps at his shoulder)
Because I remember being young and inexperienced. I probably did the same.
JT
Oh honey...
RACHEL (holding her hands up)
Ok, ok, ok. I did. I have done my share of stupid.
JT
I don't know if DA and you will ever be able to deal with each other again. Time is funny that way. But the cycle has to break and you are the one who has to break it.
(Rachel starts to say something)
How many break ups has DA been through?
(Rachel closes her mouth and sighs)
RACHEL
A fraction of the breakups that I have been through.
JT
Sweetheart, I have seen you through three marriages, multiple crushes, boyfriends, girlfriends, themfriends. Your dance card is so full during this break that you are neglecting how many people?
I don't know how DA feels about you now. What I do know is what you told me when you started seeing him. Once you figured out how inexperienced he was, you agreed that he feel under the camp rule. Leave things better than you find them. Have you done that?
RACHEL (heatedly)
Do you know how many chances I gave him, how many times I forgave him? How many bleeding times I cleaned up after him? I have done my best and then some.
I need nuts, before I go fucking nuts.
RACHEL STORMS OFF AGAIN. JT LETS HER GO. SHE WALKS UP AND DOWN THE AISLES, PLACING THINGS IN HER BASKET. AFTER A FEW MINUTES, JT APPROACHES HER SLOWLY.
JT
Rachel?
RACHEL
What!?
JT
I didn't say you needed to forgive him. You were right to be honest with his mother. You shouldn't contact him again. You have done your best and honestly I think that man will realize over the next few years how much he owes you. I am sorry you will never hear him say that you to, but anyone who knows the both of you can see all you did for him.
Now there is one more thing you need to do. You have to stop the negative cycle. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. This is partially for his sake, but mostly it is for yours. I have seen how you can hold a grudge.
Look, it sucks that he invaded your happy place. A lot of what he has done sucks. However, what else does he know? Before his current girlfriend, how many friends did he have out here? Who does he have now? What does he have that's his?
Rachel, you told the director of the dance group that you would stay out of their stage area. You said it was because DA's ex girlfriend had only that area of safety, whereas you had the entire damn fair. The only time you entered that space was to tell her that DA had been loitering in the area long enough to be noticed.
RACHEL
Well, yeah. That was the right thing to do. We may not like each other, but that is because DA played us off of each other. I wish we could fix it, but whatever...
JT
So why can you understand that about her, but not DA?
RACHEL (squashing the box of dried cranberries she is holding)
Oh fuck. Goddammit, you are right. I hate it when you are right.
JT
He hurt you and it sucks. You don't owe him anything. However, you can't blame him for not understanding how a break up is supposed to work. You can't hold it against him for being a complete ass. He simply doesn't know. He had never been poly before. He had never had to deal with whatever his current girlfriend has made him feel. How could you be so understanding of everything else and not remember his inexperience now?
RACHEL
But he has to learn that when he hurts someone the way he hurt me, they don't come back.
JT
I think he has learned that. How many new friends did you make this season? How many people did you connect with? How many people noticed that you missed three days? How many people went out of their way to take care of you on the streets and the stage?
Do you understand that you attract people like a magnet? You move through the world with an ease that is astounding and unreal. If I hadn't seen you suffering with your anxiety, I wouldn't have a clue that you struggled.
Sure, you have lost friends and loved ones. How many people are still in your life? How many people from half a lifetime ago?
DA probably wouldn't want your social circle, but do you understand that when he lost you, he lost everything that knowing you entails. I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't gut him as deeply as it hurts you. What's even worse, you understand exactly what went awry. I bet he doesn't understand it at all. The person who could have explained it to him is so angry that all she can do is yell at him.
If I had to guess, his mother wanted to touch base with you to help him figure out what was salvageable. Maybe explain
RACHEL (getting in the checkout line)
We can't be friends while he is with his current girlfriend. She won't allow it.
JT
Honey, the woman obviously cares for him. You cause him pain. In her view, the best way to fix it is to take you out of the equation. If all you are is angry at him, then you are playing right into her way of thinking. Why would she support him doing something that causes him such pain?
RACHEL
But...
JT
Look, sweetie. There is plenty of error and wrong on his side. However, is there anything he can do to make it better?
RACHEL
No, not anymore.
JT
So why should he bother trying?
RACHEL
I've left him alone. I haven't contacted him since June. I have followed his stupid wishes.
JT
For someone who is so fucking brilliant, you can be pretty dumb sometimes.
RACHEL
I don't understand. He said we couldn't be friends. So, I have left him alone.
JT
I don't know what DA meant or what he said. I only know this much. There is no being friends with you when you are angry at someone. In fact, when you openly dislike someone, it's hard for anyone else to be friends with them. It's like you set up a negative force field around them repelling all comers. You really don't see your own influence.
RACHEL
I haven't told anyone that they can't be friends with him. I have made sure to stay fairly quiet.
JT
What happened with the gal at the soap shop?
RACHEL (starts putting things on the counter for the cashier)
She was a friend of a friend. My friend told her about DA and...
Oh, I get it.
She might have ignored him, but because of what my friends told her, she didn't care for him and started calling him names too.
JT
Precisely.
RACHEL
When I name people, the name sticks.
JT
What happened to the new bloke?
RACHEL
I liked him, so everyone else started gigging with him, instead of just the person who brought him.
JT (nodding)
Look, honey. You don't ever have to talk to DA ever again. You can hate him to your heart's content. However, you knew what you were getting into when you chose to date a man, in his late twenties, with his level of life experience.
You need to change the narrative. No more epithets. You are too clever, by half. You aren't as good as Dickens, but the names you give people tend to stay with them.
If you can't say anything nice...
RACHEL (paying for her purchases)
...don't say anything at all.
JT (placing her bags into the cart)
If I had to guess, I bet that DA never wanted to shove you out of his life. You didn't give him any choice. You are angry at him and refuse to let it go. Whatever he did wrong, it was inexperience. It's a shame he cut his emotional teeth on you. I know it hurt, however, I think you are just as much to blame.
RACHEL (giving the full cart a shove)
What did I do to him?
JT
You misunderstand me dear. You are right, you two needed to be parted. He was an ass. But I don't think you realize that he has been punished and then some. He lost you, maybe forever.
I don't think it's what he wanted. I think that might be why he did fair. It's why I did fair, so I am biased. I think that's why you see evidence of his tracks on your writings and social media. Maybe you are wrong, I don't know. But I remember that when it was me, I knew everything I could about you. I didn't tell anyone, because I knew how it would look. I certainly didn't tell the people I was dating at the time. They wouldn't have understood.
You're a hard person to get over, Rachel. However, making amends with you is a pain in the ass. It took us four years to figure our shit out. We barely talked during those years, but I kept you in my thoughts and any news or gossip I could get, I did. I don't want to think what I would have been like if there had been social media.
RACHEL (opening the back of the car)
So, what should I do?
JT (helping her put the groceries away)
Well, post this conversation, obviously. (JT smiles)
Honestly, nothing. You can't tell DA that you have turned over a new leaf. He might want to believe you, but his girlfriend won't let him and she would be right.
Let your anger go. If there is nothing he can do to resolve this issue, then you are going to have to. It's the committment you made when you promised to leave things better than you found them.
Trust that he has learned the lesson and let him move on. More importantly, let yourself move on. You will never fix this, the problems run too deep. Maybe time will help, it did with us. Maybe it won't. Regardless, the end of the year is a good time to let bygones be bygones.
RACHEL
I'll try, but I still hate you for calling me on my own shit.
JT
You wouldn't have it any other way, sweetie.
JT AND RACHEL GET INTO THE CAR AND DRIVE AWAY IN THE TWILIGHT DUSK. THE SCENE FADES INTO THE WANING LIGHT. THE SONG PLAYING IS MEMORIES BY MAROON 5.
Today's Song - Memories by Maroon 5
JT (enclosing her into a hug)
I am sorry, sweetheart. I can only imagine how much you miss that. You are right, you two were amazing dance partners.
And when you want to say something mean or cruel about him, I want you to remember dancing with him. Everything else that you can doubt or wonder about, let it go. I sincerely doubt he will find someone to match you. You are amazing as a partner. You make your partner feel like Fred Astaire. If you ever doubt how DA felt about you, just remember dancing with him.
RACHEL (eyes welling up)
Why? Why would I want to remember something I will never have again. He was the one who ruined us.
JT (Letting her go with a squeeze)
Rachel, why don't you blame his girlfriend? The last time we spoke about her you told me that if you ever saw her you'd thank her for managing what DA and you couldn't do. You told me that she seemed like a smart and accomplished woman. It sounds like you respect her.
Rachel (sniffling)
I don't know if I respect her. However, I realized that everything I know about her is from DA. Given how he played me and his other girlfriend off of each other, I can only imagine that he has repeated the pattern. It's much easier to blame everything on me than to admit what he did wrong. It's easier for his current girlfriend to do the same. She can't dislike me, only the person that DA has told her exists.
JT
And how did you come to this very wise conclusion, Oh Sage of the Heart?
RACHEL (slaps at his shoulder)
Because I remember being young and inexperienced. I probably did the same.
JT
Oh honey...
RACHEL (holding her hands up)
Ok, ok, ok. I did. I have done my share of stupid.
JT
I don't know if DA and you will ever be able to deal with each other again. Time is funny that way. But the cycle has to break and you are the one who has to break it.
(Rachel starts to say something)
How many break ups has DA been through?
(Rachel closes her mouth and sighs)
RACHEL
A fraction of the breakups that I have been through.
JT
Sweetheart, I have seen you through three marriages, multiple crushes, boyfriends, girlfriends, themfriends. Your dance card is so full during this break that you are neglecting how many people?
I don't know how DA feels about you now. What I do know is what you told me when you started seeing him. Once you figured out how inexperienced he was, you agreed that he feel under the camp rule. Leave things better than you find them. Have you done that?
RACHEL (heatedly)
Do you know how many chances I gave him, how many times I forgave him? How many bleeding times I cleaned up after him? I have done my best and then some.
I need nuts, before I go fucking nuts.
RACHEL STORMS OFF AGAIN. JT LETS HER GO. SHE WALKS UP AND DOWN THE AISLES, PLACING THINGS IN HER BASKET. AFTER A FEW MINUTES, JT APPROACHES HER SLOWLY.
JT
Rachel?
RACHEL
What!?
JT
I didn't say you needed to forgive him. You were right to be honest with his mother. You shouldn't contact him again. You have done your best and honestly I think that man will realize over the next few years how much he owes you. I am sorry you will never hear him say that you to, but anyone who knows the both of you can see all you did for him.
Now there is one more thing you need to do. You have to stop the negative cycle. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. This is partially for his sake, but mostly it is for yours. I have seen how you can hold a grudge.
Look, it sucks that he invaded your happy place. A lot of what he has done sucks. However, what else does he know? Before his current girlfriend, how many friends did he have out here? Who does he have now? What does he have that's his?
Rachel, you told the director of the dance group that you would stay out of their stage area. You said it was because DA's ex girlfriend had only that area of safety, whereas you had the entire damn fair. The only time you entered that space was to tell her that DA had been loitering in the area long enough to be noticed.
RACHEL
Well, yeah. That was the right thing to do. We may not like each other, but that is because DA played us off of each other. I wish we could fix it, but whatever...
JT
So why can you understand that about her, but not DA?
RACHEL (squashing the box of dried cranberries she is holding)
Oh fuck. Goddammit, you are right. I hate it when you are right.
JT
He hurt you and it sucks. You don't owe him anything. However, you can't blame him for not understanding how a break up is supposed to work. You can't hold it against him for being a complete ass. He simply doesn't know. He had never been poly before. He had never had to deal with whatever his current girlfriend has made him feel. How could you be so understanding of everything else and not remember his inexperience now?
RACHEL
But he has to learn that when he hurts someone the way he hurt me, they don't come back.
JT
I think he has learned that. How many new friends did you make this season? How many people did you connect with? How many people noticed that you missed three days? How many people went out of their way to take care of you on the streets and the stage?
Do you understand that you attract people like a magnet? You move through the world with an ease that is astounding and unreal. If I hadn't seen you suffering with your anxiety, I wouldn't have a clue that you struggled.
Sure, you have lost friends and loved ones. How many people are still in your life? How many people from half a lifetime ago?
DA probably wouldn't want your social circle, but do you understand that when he lost you, he lost everything that knowing you entails. I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't gut him as deeply as it hurts you. What's even worse, you understand exactly what went awry. I bet he doesn't understand it at all. The person who could have explained it to him is so angry that all she can do is yell at him.
If I had to guess, his mother wanted to touch base with you to help him figure out what was salvageable. Maybe explain
RACHEL (getting in the checkout line)
We can't be friends while he is with his current girlfriend. She won't allow it.
JT
Honey, the woman obviously cares for him. You cause him pain. In her view, the best way to fix it is to take you out of the equation. If all you are is angry at him, then you are playing right into her way of thinking. Why would she support him doing something that causes him such pain?
RACHEL
But...
JT
Look, sweetie. There is plenty of error and wrong on his side. However, is there anything he can do to make it better?
RACHEL
No, not anymore.
JT
So why should he bother trying?
RACHEL
I've left him alone. I haven't contacted him since June. I have followed his stupid wishes.
JT
For someone who is so fucking brilliant, you can be pretty dumb sometimes.
RACHEL
I don't understand. He said we couldn't be friends. So, I have left him alone.
JT
I don't know what DA meant or what he said. I only know this much. There is no being friends with you when you are angry at someone. In fact, when you openly dislike someone, it's hard for anyone else to be friends with them. It's like you set up a negative force field around them repelling all comers. You really don't see your own influence.
RACHEL
I haven't told anyone that they can't be friends with him. I have made sure to stay fairly quiet.
JT
What happened with the gal at the soap shop?
RACHEL (starts putting things on the counter for the cashier)
She was a friend of a friend. My friend told her about DA and...
Oh, I get it.
She might have ignored him, but because of what my friends told her, she didn't care for him and started calling him names too.
JT
Precisely.
RACHEL
When I name people, the name sticks.
JT
What happened to the new bloke?
RACHEL
I liked him, so everyone else started gigging with him, instead of just the person who brought him.
JT (nodding)
Look, honey. You don't ever have to talk to DA ever again. You can hate him to your heart's content. However, you knew what you were getting into when you chose to date a man, in his late twenties, with his level of life experience.
You need to change the narrative. No more epithets. You are too clever, by half. You aren't as good as Dickens, but the names you give people tend to stay with them.
If you can't say anything nice...
RACHEL (paying for her purchases)
...don't say anything at all.
JT (placing her bags into the cart)
If I had to guess, I bet that DA never wanted to shove you out of his life. You didn't give him any choice. You are angry at him and refuse to let it go. Whatever he did wrong, it was inexperience. It's a shame he cut his emotional teeth on you. I know it hurt, however, I think you are just as much to blame.
RACHEL (giving the full cart a shove)
What did I do to him?
JT
You misunderstand me dear. You are right, you two needed to be parted. He was an ass. But I don't think you realize that he has been punished and then some. He lost you, maybe forever.
I don't think it's what he wanted. I think that might be why he did fair. It's why I did fair, so I am biased. I think that's why you see evidence of his tracks on your writings and social media. Maybe you are wrong, I don't know. But I remember that when it was me, I knew everything I could about you. I didn't tell anyone, because I knew how it would look. I certainly didn't tell the people I was dating at the time. They wouldn't have understood.
You're a hard person to get over, Rachel. However, making amends with you is a pain in the ass. It took us four years to figure our shit out. We barely talked during those years, but I kept you in my thoughts and any news or gossip I could get, I did. I don't want to think what I would have been like if there had been social media.
RACHEL (opening the back of the car)
So, what should I do?
JT (helping her put the groceries away)
Well, post this conversation, obviously. (JT smiles)
Honestly, nothing. You can't tell DA that you have turned over a new leaf. He might want to believe you, but his girlfriend won't let him and she would be right.
Let your anger go. If there is nothing he can do to resolve this issue, then you are going to have to. It's the committment you made when you promised to leave things better than you found them.
Trust that he has learned the lesson and let him move on. More importantly, let yourself move on. You will never fix this, the problems run too deep. Maybe time will help, it did with us. Maybe it won't. Regardless, the end of the year is a good time to let bygones be bygones.
RACHEL
I'll try, but I still hate you for calling me on my own shit.
JT
You wouldn't have it any other way, sweetie.
JT AND RACHEL GET INTO THE CAR AND DRIVE AWAY IN THE TWILIGHT DUSK. THE SCENE FADES INTO THE WANING LIGHT. THE SONG PLAYING IS MEMORIES BY MAROON 5.
Today's Song - Memories by Maroon 5
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