"They'll time your every breath..."

I have a kidney infection. I don't know how I didn't notice, but I have it for over a week. My immune system barely noticed.  In retrospect there were symptoms, but they were so minor that I dismissed them. Thankfully I opted to keep myself sober last week and so I didn’t do any additional damage to my kidneys.

My doctor gave me a bazooka of an antibiotic. There will be more tests and such. The infection may be the reason for my dizziness. The reason I am freaked out is because it was a kidney infection that started all of this back in May. I don’t want to be in pain like that again.

I will be making an appointment with my endocrinologist on Monday. This infection could be a blip. However, I know that Hashimoto's can cause all sorts of problems with the immune system, like the body neglecting to fight off an infection (thus no symptoms for nearly a week). My body had absolutely no reaction to the flu vaccine either. 

I am not trying to borrow trouble. I have always known that my various health issues were likely to shorten my life span. I am just not looking forward to a future of feeling like this and missing the things I love doing. I don't want days like today.

I don't want to tell LT. I don't wish to lie to him, but the last thing he needs is to feel obligated to stick with someone who is ill. I haven't had the guts to talk to him about it. I mentioned that some medical stuff came up and mentioned why I had been in the hospital. He didn't seem upset by it.

I know I am not going to die (at least not right away). The antibiotic will kick in and I will feel better. I will try to pay closer attention to symptoms and not assume that aches and pains are just because I am getting older. 

LT isn't stupid, he knows that anyone he gets involved with is going to be on a clock. In fact he knows that lesson more than most. At some point I want to assure him that if I get really sick or stuck in a hospital, I don't want or need him there. There are other people I can turn to.

I know that my fears are the problem and exacerbated by feeling lousy, the drop after last weekend, not seeing Rope Guy for over a week, missing a chance to see a friend today and, yes, missing fair. I wonder how many more days of fair I will end up missing?

I am especially bummed about missing today because of the song that is going to be performed tonight. It's only done once per season. So that will be the song for this entry. It's also a good reminder that I am far better off than I feel at the moment.

Today's Song - The Chemical Worker's Song (Process Man) by Great Big Sea