"This used to be the life but I don't need another one..."

I really wanted to attend the dance that is associated with fair.  It was this past Saturday. I did not feel welcome. It is organized and hosted by "that person". They were offered the opportunity to meet with a mediator and start the process of working out a resolution between us. As far as I know, they declined because they felt the efforts made by the PTB (powers that be) and me didn't adequately address their concerns. (I have the impression that they won't be happy until I am kicked out of fair.)

The thing is that I want to dance. I miss it. I want to dance with the people I know at fair and the band I like at fair. I have tried to be understanding and considerate but now I am just fucking tired of it. I want my goddamned hobbies back.

"Rachel, why don't you just show up?"

• Because I feel like I would be making trouble and upset people. When that organizer had to miss a month, I was specifically invited to attend. 
• No one suggested that I should come back when that person returned the next month.

• Because I am a middle aged woman. As a dancer. the other person is far more valuable.

• Because I am tired of the local fair and dance community feeling like the lunchroom in high school and I am not one of the cool kids.

I am really angry and resentful of the people who, knowing that I am not allowed to attend, don't care and go anyway. I don't think too much of a community that swears up and down about how inclusive they are and then turn a blind eye to people being excluded. If I have done something wrong or am a missing stair, no one has been able to tell me. I am supposed to figure it out on my own, I guess. 

I know that there are other dance communities that I can join and I am going to try a new one next week. It's south of where that other person is and hopefully none of the people who have issues with me will attend.

The song for this entry is a bit of a joke. I can't explain why it's funny. I will leave it at that it's a very danceable song, despite it's name.

Today's Song - I Don't Feel Like Dancin' by The Scissor Sisters