I guess I don't need to come up with a name for Lawyer guy. He decided we shouldn't see each other anymore. He made some mistakes and so instead of, I don't know, talking to me about them, he wrote me an email in which he politely told me that while he likes me, he doesn't feel that he can meet my needs. According to his message, he did me a kindness because he didn't ghost.
I guess I must be some horrible ogre because that has been the theme for the week. I think I am telling people what I want. I think I am trying to get my needs met by the people in my life through direct and clear communication. Apparently my needs are overwhelming, I am too demanding and I expect too much.
I don't have any pithy therapy to work on this one. I give up. I can't stand being told that I am untrustworthy and that my needs are too much. I am just going to stop asking, it's easier than the parade of "No" that this week has become.
The flip side is that yesterday and today has also been a stream of commentary about everything I am not doing and all the people I am letting down. So not only am I am needy and desperate ogre, but I am an unreliable one.
I have therapy this afternoon, maybe my therapist will have a better suggestion than crawling back into bed and never coming back out. Unfortunately, I couldn't do that, so instead I am at work and trying to keep myself from crying. I feel so damn alone. I am not sure how I am supposed to do my job.
I am not sure how I am supposed to do anything.
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