"I find it hard to tell you..."

I won't put this up on FB. I don't know who to ask for help. I don't know how to ask for help. I mean I did ask for help, but I feel like I was told no.

I know things are pretty bad. I can't eat, I am barely holding things together and I'm snapping at my students.

A friend tried to talk me off the (proverbial) ledge. They meant well; however their platitudes just made me feel more isolated and alone.My friend suggested I call my therapist, which is understandable, they probably felt out of their depth and I am not their (or anyone's problem).

I suppose I should call my medical office to talk to a therapist. But what's the point of talking to someone who only knows me from a file on their computer? I don't want platitudes and I am scared that they'll stick me in some facility for my own safety. A facility where I will be even more isolated and alone. Mental Health care in this country is a joke. I don't think it will make me feel any better to get stuck somewhere for three days.

I've never felt this lost. I feel so dumb because even saying it here is just passive aggressive and no one will likely see this. Better to post this here and get through my day, I guess. We'll see if I make it to 3 and beyond without shattering.