My psychiatrist felt that the sudden onset of such a severe depressive episode is good news and bad news. The good news is that it shows my thyroid is approaching functional. The bad news is that I got to experience a hormone cascade for the first time in nearly two years. Said hormones hit me like a Mac Truck going downhill.
I am feeling a bit better. I was concerned how severe my reaction was and how long it has taken me to start moving out of it. It was like being frozen and thawing out. It was not a pleasant experience.
I seem to be doing better. I shopped for this weekend, I made dinner and I even walked the dog.
The doctor related last night's episode to a prolonged anxiety attack.
He gave me a limited prescription (no refills) of ativan so that I have a
way of slowing a depressive spiral down, if not stopping it entirely. I
get to watch my cycles very closely for the next couple of months while
we find out what medications will help when Rachel is perimenopausal and depressed.
As for yesterday, I guess I just look at it like I drunk
texted my ex. I have apologized for my inappropriate behavior and
timing. I can't take back what was said and excuses don't change the
fact I was an ass. So I suppose I just go back to radio silence and
leave Benjamin alone. Lesson learned, I don't drunk text, but I do send
stupid e-mails when depressed.
I am starting to think drunk texting would be better, or at least a lot more fun.
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