"Help me if you can, I'm feeling down"

Blogging on the iPad is nearly impossible. The program/app closes down if I hit the delete button on the keyboard. It's really frustrating, so there is one problem with the iPad. I am using a school laptop for the moment. My 4th, 5th, and 6th period students are working on a "Road to WWII" project, so I am not actively teaching today.

This is a good thing, because I had a talk with the vice principal for the junior class about my online grades not being up to date. It was a friendly chat, but he offered to cover my classes if I need additional grading time. I am trying not to panic, but there is definitely a whole lot of "oh shit, oh shit, oh shit" going on. If I am being offered help and assistance, there's something really wrong. Shit.

I am doing better, but I am still having trouble with focus. I keep getting distracted by emotional crap that I should just let go. I am also feeling incredibly isolated. I am seeing friends and getting out, but I am missing the intimate connections that I had during Dickens Fair (which is probably what got me through November and December). My husband has been caught up with his work. Due to  circumstances, I am not getting the mental breaks I need to reset my buffers and clear my cache.

I am not sure what to do about this lack of mental release; it seems like such a simple problem, but it has been incredibly difficult and dreadfully inconvenient to resolve. It's making everything more challenging than it really should be.

On top of that, I don't have the weekend to work on my backlog. That's because I am an idiot.

I know I dug my own hole with regards to this weekend. I took on a job without understanding what I was taking on and without making sure I had help. I'm stuck with it. On the one hand, I appreciate the willingness of my friends to lend me supplies I need. On the other hand, if one more person suggests to me that I can use volunteers to help me out, I might get violent.

If you can help, thank you I need help both Saturday (10-6) and Sunday morning. I could use an errand runner, a stock person, a prep person and general assistance. Even an hour or two would make a difference. Yes, I know I can use volunteers, it's what to do when said volunteers are in the classes that they paid for. I don't think it's fair to pull them out and I don't believe there were any work/study options for this camp.

If you can't help, I understand, I was supposed to spend this weekend dancing and catching up on my grading. I am really frustrated that I will be spending my days in a kitchen due to someone's incredible lack of foresight and my misreading of the situation. I appreciate that you have better plans; I wish I had better plans.

I don't know how to politely tell people how unhelpful I find unsolicited solutions and advice. I know that I am screwed. I don't need uninformed suggestions and "aww poor baby." I need help.

I am not good at asking for assistance. I am afraid that people won't respect me. I was raised Catholic. We don't ask for help, we just martyr ourselves and hope someone notices and names a gym after us. I feel like a failure when I ask for help. I feel like even more of a loser when I ask for help and people tell me no. I am to the point now where I just don't bother anymore.

So I am not sure what's going to happen this weekend. I do know what will be happening next week. I will have to go to the vice-principal, tail tucked between my legs, and ask him to cover me for an hour or two because I need time for grading. I will have to ask for help and I am sure that he won't respect me for it.