"Where there's a whip, there's a way..."

I like being a teacher. Teaching is the only job that I think I am really in the right place. I'm not perfect, I don't grade papers in a timely manner and I am incredibly disorganized. There is a lot I can do to improve, but while I recognize the places where I can improve, I know that I am a good teacher.

One of the things I like about teaching is that (in California) it is structured to be collaborative. The union does a good job of protecting our interests and making competition between teachers non-productive. There is little hierarchy and so I have always felt that my ideas are just as valid as those of a teacher who has been here for twice as long.

There are drawbacks to union teaching and we are in the midst of them. Long story short, there is a lot of time and effort that we are asked to do "for the students". I haven't met many teachers that don't pour their heart and soul into their jobs. Trust me, we do almost everything for the students. I don't think that teachers would stay in such a challenging job otherwise.

This has been a bad year at my school. There has been a lot of emotional crap going on. We are all feeling pushed to our limit. We want to do our jobs, we want to be good teachers, but there is a whole lot of "Wait, things will get better" and while we understand, we are tired.

There is a meeting at lunch today. What should be a simple vote and a simple process has been made complicated. It isn't that the teachers don't understand why the new schedule won't benefit students. It's that we are tired of being pushed and asked so much without receiving even the smallest consideration in return. I am worried that the schedule change will be voted down, not because it's a bad idea, but because the teachers are stressed and angry and without a place to feel appreciated, we are expressing our discontent, even though we might lose something valuable.

I sometimes think that people don't realize how much teachers give and how stretched thin we are by the end of the year. I voted for the proposal. However, I understand the people who are voting against it. I wanted to vote against it with a "suck it up, buttercup!" I'm tired of feeling unappreciated and at least the vote is one place I can push back and take away something I know the administration wants to happen. After everything I feel has been asked of me this year, it's just a small place to make my stand. It was hard to think objectively.

I want to be appreciated. While I like my union, my students and my colleagues, I miss bonuses. I miss getting something that recognizes the effort I put into my work. I miss feeling like I matter. I miss the envelope that tells me that my work is excellent and that I am important to my department. I think that spending so much of my time with only my students for feedback makes a difficult job even more challenging when the year is coming to a close and we are all so overdrawn.

I'm going to the lunch meeting, not because I want to change my vote, but because I think that I need to be reminded that I'm not the only teacher who feels that I'm not respected for what I do, no matter how well I do it.

Today's song is an oldie and what I use when I need to feel some motivation, even when I think it's unfair.