Capt. Kirk:
There are a million things in this universe you can have and a million
things you can't have. It's no fun facing that, but that's the way
things are.
Charlie Evans: Then what am I going to do?
Capt. Kirk: Hang on tight and survive. Everybody does.
- Star Trek, Charlie X
I have always loved that quote. Especially as a teacher, I think that while the world is a wealth of possibilities, it's important to learn that we can't have everything.
I think that's one of the problems I see in the world today. Between technology, a sense of entitlement and just the world I live in, it's hard to face that there are simply things that I cannot have. More importantly there are things I am unable to give to other people and, while regrettable, that is all right.
I have a student who is upset that he earned a B+ in my AP Psychology class. I have spent hours explaining that he did not earn an 'A'. Just because it is the first 'B' he has ever received does not make the grade any less valid. However due to a number of things, students haven't learned the grade they have earned is the grade they get. Instead, the grade is a starting point for negotiations. It's a matter of a couple of percentage points, so honestly it would have been easier on everyone if I had simply given in, and fudged him into an 'A'.
After the past couple of days I am glad I did not. It's been an important lesson in the power of 'No' and hard choices. My grades mean nothing if I am willing to change them given the right amount of coercion. (I will make a change if I made a mistake, but we went over this kid's grade with a fine tooth comb, there are no mistakes.)
If there is any place I have seen this sense of negotiate until one gets the answer one wants, it's with regards to scheduling.
I was recently trying to schedule a coffee date with someone. I told them a particular day and time (via text). They did not get back to me and so after 48 hours I texted again. I said that the particular day and time would no longer work, but would they like to schedule another time. They responded back that the original day and time was fine. I haven't bothered to respond. I have never considered myself bound to clock and schedule, but after years of experience I already know that this is not a person who I will work well with. I understand that life happens. I am not upset that they couldn't confirm a date. I am upset that they ignored what I said and tried to keep the original date and time. I don't make plans with someone I don't know well on short notice.
The funny thing is that I believe in the Power of And. I want a world in which every answer does not have to be this or that, but can be this and that. However there are times when I believe that humans have to choose. I think that trying to apply the power of and to every situation is a recipe for disaster.
I was trying to schedule a weekend activity with a friend. Scheduling with this person is often difficult. I have often said that it would be easier to lead 10,000 Macedonians into battle then to make a weekend plan with them.
Yesterday I told them that, "I told you what my availability and preferences were. You countered with Friday, a day I said I wasn't available, I said no. Discussion [about Friday and Saturday] is over."
They complained and tried to continue negotiating and telling me that I wasn't willing to compromise. It dawned on me why scheduling with them is so difficult. Scheduling is rarely a yes, no conversation. Instead it's like solving geometry proofs. There are times when the best way to express a scheduling negotiation is like this:
I don't like to be told no. I don't think anyone does. However, if there is anything this week has taught me, it is the value of saying no to other people and accepting no from other people.
Charlie Evans: Then what am I going to do?
Capt. Kirk: Hang on tight and survive. Everybody does.
- Star Trek, Charlie X
I have always loved that quote. Especially as a teacher, I think that while the world is a wealth of possibilities, it's important to learn that we can't have everything.
I think that's one of the problems I see in the world today. Between technology, a sense of entitlement and just the world I live in, it's hard to face that there are simply things that I cannot have. More importantly there are things I am unable to give to other people and, while regrettable, that is all right.
I have a student who is upset that he earned a B+ in my AP Psychology class. I have spent hours explaining that he did not earn an 'A'. Just because it is the first 'B' he has ever received does not make the grade any less valid. However due to a number of things, students haven't learned the grade they have earned is the grade they get. Instead, the grade is a starting point for negotiations. It's a matter of a couple of percentage points, so honestly it would have been easier on everyone if I had simply given in, and fudged him into an 'A'.
After the past couple of days I am glad I did not. It's been an important lesson in the power of 'No' and hard choices. My grades mean nothing if I am willing to change them given the right amount of coercion. (I will make a change if I made a mistake, but we went over this kid's grade with a fine tooth comb, there are no mistakes.)
If there is any place I have seen this sense of negotiate until one gets the answer one wants, it's with regards to scheduling.
I was recently trying to schedule a coffee date with someone. I told them a particular day and time (via text). They did not get back to me and so after 48 hours I texted again. I said that the particular day and time would no longer work, but would they like to schedule another time. They responded back that the original day and time was fine. I haven't bothered to respond. I have never considered myself bound to clock and schedule, but after years of experience I already know that this is not a person who I will work well with. I understand that life happens. I am not upset that they couldn't confirm a date. I am upset that they ignored what I said and tried to keep the original date and time. I don't make plans with someone I don't know well on short notice.
The funny thing is that I believe in the Power of And. I want a world in which every answer does not have to be this or that, but can be this and that. However there are times when I believe that humans have to choose. I think that trying to apply the power of and to every situation is a recipe for disaster.
I was trying to schedule a weekend activity with a friend. Scheduling with this person is often difficult. I have often said that it would be easier to lead 10,000 Macedonians into battle then to make a weekend plan with them.
Yesterday I told them that, "I told you what my availability and preferences were. You countered with Friday, a day I said I wasn't available, I said no. Discussion [about Friday and Saturday] is over."
They complained and tried to continue negotiating and telling me that I wasn't willing to compromise. It dawned on me why scheduling with them is so difficult. Scheduling is rarely a yes, no conversation. Instead it's like solving geometry proofs. There are times when the best way to express a scheduling negotiation is like this:
- If I do A on Friday and
- then B late Friday night,
- I will have complimentary angles of triangle ABC
- and C you on Saturday morning.
I don't like to be told no. I don't think anyone does. However, if there is anything this week has taught me, it is the value of saying no to other people and accepting no from other people.
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