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October 3, 2017

"You've taken lots of chances before/ But I'm not gonna give anymore..."

I can't stand silence. I mean I really can't stand it. I know that I am not great at connecting to people. I know that I can isolate myself. I know that I have my issues. I still hate silence. I don't feel it's constructive.

The hardest thing about dealing with people is knowing that they can walk away and leave me in silence. I am writing here because someone is leaving me in silence and I can't keep bugging them. They don't care what I have to say and they aren't answering.

The hardest thing about letting a relationship go is that since I am such a talker, I am usually left with questions unanswered. I am usually left in silence, crying and feeling abandoned and alone. I also feel incredibly stupid.

The past few days have been a lot of crying, feeling abandoned and far too much silence. I don't even know what to do, because the two people in the world I want to rely on aren't available and have pushed me away.

I am so angry, so frustrated, so alone. I feel so unheard. I feel so fucking stupid.

One of the people sent me "Don't Answer Me" (video link) as an answer, but that just hurt. It seems that there will be no breaking the silence?

I just want to understand and I don't. Fine, I am going with a different song from Alan Parsons that I do understand and fuck the people that I thought I could rely on, who should be here and aren't. I may have to stop talking to them or asking them for the help; but I don't have to be quiet about it.


2 comments:

  1. Empathy.

    I had a counselor who told me that we often believe that if we JUST find the right words, people will see that we're right. It rarely works, even if we might be.

    People who don't know we're right are stupid. Throw rocks at them.

    (Do not actually throw rocks.).

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    Replies
    1. I know that I can’t convince people that they should listen. That’s why I’m ranting to the internet and doing my damndest not to talk to them further.

      Thank you for the reminder, I appreciate it.

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