When I text someone or someone texts me (or uses Facebook messenger, Google Talk, etc.) I feel that is interactive. I usually try to answer in a timely manner and if I have to go quiet, I try to communicate to the person. I consider texting real time communication. I feel that it is interactive. I also feel that is the most likely way for misunderstandings to happen. My most recent break ups have both been over text, although one break up was more indirect than the other.
E-mail is for more involved conversations, long term planning or when I have a lot to say. I know you will all be shocked that I tend to write novels. I feel that an e-mail should be acknowledged within 24 hours. Depending on the subject matter, the response can take anywhere from a day to a week. I also have realized that e-mail is a horrible way to communicate difficult topics. I have decided to write those e-mails, not send them and then contact the person to ask if we can have a phone call or talk in person. We'll see how I do.
Both of those sorts of online interaction are direct and force the recipient to deal with the content, regardless of their desire. Unless they have blocked me, they have to do something with the message or e-mail. I am trying to be mindful direct communication can become abusive without me intending it to be so. I simply don't have context, body language, or tone to tell me how my messages are being received. I was very proud of myself because a couple of days ago a text exchange was crashing and burning. I pulled back and asked the person to please give me 10 minutes of phone time. I set a timer and we talked on the phone. It was a more positive exchange for me and I felt like my message was better communicated. I was also tried to get off the phone when my timer went off, since we were discussing a difficult topic.
My blog exists. I choose to write in it. I provide a link to friends via social media. It is (supposedly) unsearchable by Google although I am not sure how much that actually matters. If someone has the address or maintains a link to it, they can read it without going through facebook. I know some friends have set me up on a RSS feed to make things easier on them. I am aware that my blog is not private. I thought about making people log in with a Google account to read it, but I am not comfortable doing so. I don't want to track who visits my blog.
I am of the opinion that no one has to read my blog if they don't want to. People choose to read it and thus my blog becomes a case of buyer beware. I don't name names, I try to speak in generalizations. If I am referring to someone specifically, (such as DA or Primary) I am writing with the assumption that they are not reading. They are aware that things are not on good terms between us. I don't believe I need to issue a warning that I am processing negative emotions. I hope that they are able to understand that while they are involved, they are not responsible. If there is anything I have learned over the past year is that the only person who can make me feel something is me. If I don't like someone's actions, I can discuss it with them. If their actions do not change, I can choose to stop engaging with them. I make the choices to stay in situations that make me unhappy.
I know when people read things, there is a tendency to see ourselves reflected. I know that there have been times when people have thought I wonder if Rachel is talking about me? I am not doing so deliberately. I am usually just processing through some ideas. However, you are invited to ask me via e-mail or direct messenger and I will explain to the best of my ability. I suppose that even if Primary (who really needs a different name if I continue to talk about them) or DA wanted to ask me about what I write, I would do my best to answer them.
I like today's choice, it's a Fleetwood Mac song, but a very reflective cover by Robyn Sherwell
No comments:
Post a Comment