"So give me all your troubled thoughts And baggage you can't handle..."

Today I have some good things to talk about.

First of all, I am beginning to understand why people start working out after an emotional break up. Between exhaustion and the endorphin high from last night pilates class I haven't had much time to think about what's his name.

It also helped that I was reminded what it is like when someone treats me like my feelings matter.

I have know KzF for over a year. We have gone out a few times as friends. We seem compatible but I hadn't done much to pursue anything. He has been very patient, making it clear that he appreciates my company and that should I want to play, he's available.

I had told him about what was going on with Secondary and why I didn't think getting into any sort relationship was a good idea. (This was a couple of months ago.) A couple of weeks ago he suggested that  he meet my husband and I for brunch, just to keep me feeling secure and so he could get to know us better.

I updated him yesterday on recent events. His response, "That boy is a jackass." He then asked how I was doing and I was pretty frank. I told him that I was feeling awful and stupid. He suggested that maybe going to a social/kink venue might remind me that I am attractive and desirable and that I can do better than some idiot of a jackass who didn't value a good thing when he had it.

I fussed about feeling vulnerable, not having good judgement, and basically hemmed and hawed. And so instead of arguing with me, he said that he would be happy to attend the party as an escort. No matter what we did, he would not remove his trousers. He also promised that he wouldn't allow me to do anything stupid with another person.

I pushed a little more, asking him why he was being so sweet. He explained that he wasn't being nice. He finds me appealing, he likes me, and he hates the idea that someone so interesting is feeling worthless. He'd like to demonstrate otherwise.

I figure I can't ask for safer than someone I've known for months, who made sure to meet my husband, and whom I can feel I trust, attending a play event in a public venue. I felt like someone was interested in me but was satisfied by what I could provide and is understanding of my limitations.

KzF is picking me up in a couple of hours. I hope it goes well. I could use some emotional catharsis that doesn't involve only negative ones.

Today's song is a little on the obvious side, but I dig the fiddling!