A friend described social media as walking down a busy street and interacting with what you see. The street you choose determines what content you experience and how. There is no such thing as private, although some streets are busier than others.
When I wrote my thesis, one of my student contributors called his phone a tool, much like a pencil. He used it for everything from scheduling homework time to applying for internships. In our presentation an eye-opening quote was, “Adults don’t get it. They think I am addicted to my technology. I’m not. I am addicted to my friends.”
I know something that has been hard for me to comprehend is that I can disengage from the online world. I don’t have to respond to everything I receive. What is also difficult is when I should respect the messages I have received or when I should push back.
If I fight with someone in person, I use body language, tone, and visual cues that tell me how to respond. Do I back off? Do I leave them alone? Do I try to explain? When I have a fight with someone online, all I have are the words. Words I take in the most negative way possible. Words that made me cut off contact with the person.
What is worse, it feels that the only way for me to respond is with more words. Why bother to engage again if all I can do is send the person an e-mail or a text and fall into the same trap that made ended our communication in the first place?
I don't have a good answer except to keep silent. However, I have learned at least two things in the past few days:
1) Hope is not a strategy. I need action plans and ideas for how to manage my emotional and digital life going forward. I can't hope things will improve.
2) I cannot have my relationships be solely digital ones. I am not sure what that is going to look like, but I do know that I won’t end another relationship and stop communicating with a person based only an online interaction.
Thus today's song, it should be pretty obvious.
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