"...it's a bittersweet symphony this life..."

I hate dating. I had forgotten how much I truly abhor dating. I know that I don't have to date and that it's my own choice. I am very poly, however, if I could figure out a way to avoid dating and still have a robust social life, I would. I know that single people want to hit me because I already have a spouse. What can I tell you, I'm greedy and paying for it.

I love the part when you know that someone you are intrigued by returns the feelings. I love the part where you look into their eyes and they look back and you touch souls for the first time. It's been a couple of years since the last time it happened and I still remember it. We were walking around San Francisco, on our way to the restaurant. We stopped at a corner and were waiting to cross the street. I looked at him; he looked at me and there was a click. I knew, just knew that there was something.

I think that is one of the greatest feelings in the world. I think the only one better is when you look at someone you have known for years and still feel the same click.

So while I am not a fan of dating, per say, I am willing to put up with the fuss and nonsense in the hope that I will discover that click with someone.

Last night was probably the first time that I went to a social gathering feeling like I was running on all thrusters. I was at a munch (a causal gathering of kink-minded people at a bar or restaurant). I was there to meet with a potential dominant who lives in the area.

I walked in, I recognized the potential from his pictures. I also ran into a couple of friends. So we all chatted in a big circle. The potential held his own and seemed very comfortable. However as the night wore on, I began to feel sorry for him. He couldn't get me alone. The circle kept rotating people and there never seemed a polite way to get me away. A number of people hadn't seen me in a while, so I kept having people come over to chat and catch up.

I finally pulled us to a corner where it seemed very obvious that we were going to talk alone. We got maybe 10 minutes before people decided to join us. The potential took it very well and as we left he asked me to join him for dinner in a couple of days. I suppose that a request for a second date is a good sign.

One of the other things I had forgotten about dating is that people ask about your dating life. In my case, I was asked by four people who had seen my ex and I together in November or December. Since the ex and I never really announced our relationship, we didn't announce our breakup.

Those were difficult conversations to have in public. It was especially hard because while I tried to keep to bland platitudes and such, I felt that my answers made it clear that I would rather that we were still together. It felt somewhat awkward. I haven't broken up with someone in a very long time. I had forgotten about needing a cover story to save face.

So last night was mostly good, but there was some bittersweet too.

That carried into today. My ex helped me with a school project last year. I used the templates he made for me yesterday and today. I love the assignment and the templates he made really enhances the overall impact on my students. But it was hard to look at the damn thing all day long and not feel bittersweet and nostalgic. I had forgotten that part of dating too.