"...when I can go therapy..."

I received two questions today. I am going to answer them now because they have been picking at my brain.

1. What is so damn special about Jack and Benjamin?

Because they both opened up new venues of affection, touch and emotional connections for me.

It feels like they are the only people with whom I could explore these connections. I can't replace them and I can't have them. The connections are there, but I have no idea how to explore them on my own. I do not know how to make them with someone else.

This is why I have books, homework and am working with a therapist. I have to figure this shit out. I wish I had heard of the Mary J. Blige's song I posted down below two years ago, but better late that never.

2. You have done a lot of processing in the past few weeks. It is possible that Benjamin has as well. Would you talk to him if he asked?

If Benjamin wanted to talk, I would be very wary. One of my husband's arguments against me discussing emotional connections with Benjamin is because Benjamin is not a therapist. It isn't fair to ask him to act like one. I agree with my husband. I would say the same goes for me. I took on a lot of Benjamin's emotional baggage during our realtionship. One of the reasons I am so bitter is because I feel like I got little in return. That isn't fair to Benjamin; I am in charge of enforcing my boundaries. It is not Benjamin's fault that I didn't stick to them.  

If Benjamin is processing with a therapist, then I could see where talking might be beneficial and we could reforge a friendship. I don't see any other circumstance where having an extended conversation would be a good idea for either of us.