"I've been wondering why I'm feeling down"

In education there is research into the idea of a fixed mindset vs. a growth mindset. In a nut shell, we aren't good or bad at a task, we have either put in effort or we have not. Very few people pick up a guitar and play beautifully on their first try. This does not mean they are bad at guitar playing, it means they are still learning the skill.

If one of my students were to tell me, "I'm stupid, I don't get why the Volstead Act led to the Great Depression." I wouldn't let them get away with it. I would tell them that they just don't know it yet and I would try to help them find the information and go over how to establish cause and effect in a history class. I want them to get to the point where they trust their research skills and can say, "I am good at research."

I won't let my students call themselves stupid when they are unable to perform a task; but I catch myself doing it all the time. Sometimes it's making fun of my own impulsiveness (Oh, it's not like I'm known for my patience). Sometimes it's a blatant attempt to fish for compliments. However the most frequent version is that I diminish my own abilities because I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or I just don't believe in my own skills.

It's really hard for me to say things like, "I am a good dancer."

Yesterday, at the contra camp, they played a dance done to a slip jig. It wasn't long before I felt my feet finding the jig step, my body rising and falling to the pulse of the music. I felt like I was floating. I felt like a good dancer. Of course I did, I might be relatively new to contra dance, but I've been dancing Irish for nearly 25 years. A contra dance done to an Irish Jig, that's my jam!

I think I need to figure out ways to find my own success and confidence because once I felt that feeling on the dance floor, it was much easier to find dance partners, enjoy the dances, and just GO. I want to be dancing again, like now!

I noticed something else, too. It's much easier to look at a past relationship objectively when you are having successes in a current one. It's so easy to say, that success facilitates success; but so hard to accomplish. It's so easy to say that confidence is built with success, but when things are very gray and sad, my world can seem like a very deep, dark hole.

I know that things are better because of medication, hard work, and luck. But I also know that some of it was just faking it. It's hard work, but I think this weekend is a good demonstration of the pay off.

Today's song is more of an ear worm from my recent foray into Dusty Springfield's greatest hits, although the song has application to my situation.