A certain person posted a screed on their Facebook feed, while it was friends only, that’s still more than 1000 people and so screen shots were available. Yes, it was rather vitriolic. Yes, they named the venue even after we were specifically asked not to mention the venue or the people involved on social media. (I have discussed it, but I have avoided naming names and I stopped mentioning the venue.)
I had nothing but support today from my friends and family.
I’m not a psychologist and I haven’t spoken with the person in person in years. However reading their screed made me get an interpretation of their frustration.
I think that even if they got what they seem to be asking for, they wouldn’t be happy. I don’t think it’s about me, I think it’s about getting closure. I think that they want to get recognition from our mutual ex. I feel that deep down the person just wants our mutual ex to listen to them, talk to them, recognize that there was a relationship that was meaningful to both of them.
Do I think that this person knows what they are doing or would admit it? No, I don’t. But they are used to our mutual ex playing the knight in shining tinfoil; I believe that hoped that if they leveraged their accusations and applied enough pressure, I would make our ex do something. To my chagrin, I did ask our mutual ex to take an action and while he did make efforts, I didn't appreciate them nor did I feel they were sufficient. If our mutual ex has made any efforts on my behalf this year, I am unaware of them.
I can't remember getting this twisted up about someone I dated since I was 21. For whatever reason, I'm still hung up on our mutual ex. Heaven knows I wish it were otherwise, but I have to admit that I am. I have been in a number of serious relationships, I have gone through a number of challenging break ups. I knew that the relationship with the mutual ex was never going to be exclusive nor did I expect it to last as long as it did. (When I say hung up, I don't mean I want to get back together, be friends or have an ongoing relationship. I mean, the relationship still hurts and goads at my heart.)
I can't imagine what it would be like to have been in love with our mutual ex without the benefit of experience. If I got messed up, I can only imagine what it was like for that certain person.
Do I think that excuses their behavior? Oh, no. I think they are being a childish jackass. But I know how much being ignored sucks, especially when you just want to know why this person that you love doesn't return the feeling. Since he couldn't get that closure from our mutual ex, I made an easy target. If only I hadn't stolen our mutual ex and turned him against that certain person or whatever it is I did.
I have resources, understanding friends and partners. I am doing all right. However there is a part of me that wants to force my ex to just talk to me. I think that after everything we went through I deserve that much. (He says we have talked. Yes, we have met, on his terms, one of which was that we couldn't discuss the past. That's not talking.)
Maybe I am projecting, making excuses or whatever. Regardless, I can't find it in my heart to be angry anymore. I just feel pity and I wish I could help that certain person get whatever it is they need.
When I am God-Empress of the Universe my ex and I are going to sit down and have that talk. I don't need to ask them why. I don't need apologies. I just want to wrap up the relationship and end it, since there can be no friendship. I know I'll get over it without that talk, but it will take longer and require more work on my part. I will be too busy doing God Empress things to waste that sort of time and energy.
After I'm done, I would make the mutual ex do the same for the certain person. I would make the mutual ex look that certain person in the eye and tell them, "I don't love you the way you loved me. I am not sure I ever did. I am sorry, what I did to you was unfair and fucked."
I think it would be beneficial and useful for everyone involved. The mutual ex would have to actually face the consequences of his actions and lack of judgement. I would get the closure I need and the certain person might get something as well.
Regrettably, I do not wield absolute power and I can only hope that I can maintain the relative semblance of sanity and space I have managed since the ex and I broke it off. I can also continue to write out my feelings. As for the certain person, I tried to do what I could to resolve the issues between us. I hope they are able to find their own closure.
Today was an awesome day. Today was fair the way it used to be back in 2014. No strike that, it was fucking better. Today is the reason I do this crazy hobby. I am happy that I didn't let anyone distract me from the joy of a beautiful day.
Thus the song for this entry sort of picked itself.
Today's Song - Beautiful Day by U2
I can't remember getting this twisted up about someone I dated since I was 21. For whatever reason, I'm still hung up on our mutual ex. Heaven knows I wish it were otherwise, but I have to admit that I am. I have been in a number of serious relationships, I have gone through a number of challenging break ups. I knew that the relationship with the mutual ex was never going to be exclusive nor did I expect it to last as long as it did. (When I say hung up, I don't mean I want to get back together, be friends or have an ongoing relationship. I mean, the relationship still hurts and goads at my heart.)
I can't imagine what it would be like to have been in love with our mutual ex without the benefit of experience. If I got messed up, I can only imagine what it was like for that certain person.
Do I think that excuses their behavior? Oh, no. I think they are being a childish jackass. But I know how much being ignored sucks, especially when you just want to know why this person that you love doesn't return the feeling. Since he couldn't get that closure from our mutual ex, I made an easy target. If only I hadn't stolen our mutual ex and turned him against that certain person or whatever it is I did.
I have resources, understanding friends and partners. I am doing all right. However there is a part of me that wants to force my ex to just talk to me. I think that after everything we went through I deserve that much. (He says we have talked. Yes, we have met, on his terms, one of which was that we couldn't discuss the past. That's not talking.)
Maybe I am projecting, making excuses or whatever. Regardless, I can't find it in my heart to be angry anymore. I just feel pity and I wish I could help that certain person get whatever it is they need.
When I am God-Empress of the Universe my ex and I are going to sit down and have that talk. I don't need to ask them why. I don't need apologies. I just want to wrap up the relationship and end it, since there can be no friendship. I know I'll get over it without that talk, but it will take longer and require more work on my part. I will be too busy doing God Empress things to waste that sort of time and energy.
After I'm done, I would make the mutual ex do the same for the certain person. I would make the mutual ex look that certain person in the eye and tell them, "I don't love you the way you loved me. I am not sure I ever did. I am sorry, what I did to you was unfair and fucked."
I think it would be beneficial and useful for everyone involved. The mutual ex would have to actually face the consequences of his actions and lack of judgement. I would get the closure I need and the certain person might get something as well.
Regrettably, I do not wield absolute power and I can only hope that I can maintain the relative semblance of sanity and space I have managed since the ex and I broke it off. I can also continue to write out my feelings. As for the certain person, I tried to do what I could to resolve the issues between us. I hope they are able to find their own closure.
Today was an awesome day. Today was fair the way it used to be back in 2014. No strike that, it was fucking better. Today is the reason I do this crazy hobby. I am happy that I didn't let anyone distract me from the joy of a beautiful day.
Thus the song for this entry sort of picked itself.
Today's Song - Beautiful Day by U2
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