I maintain accounts on Fetlife and OK Cupid. On both accounts I disclose that I am HSV+ and that my current dance card is rather full. This limits the number of people who approach me online. I wonder if maybe it’s the reason that I see so many assholes. Nice people aren’t going to approach someone who isn’t obviously available.
I have seen people (mostly male) complain how they never receive answers to their messages. Given the quality of the messages I have received, I am not surprised. Honestly, the quality is often lacking.
I had one fellow hit me up on OKC. He came across as a walking, talking disease vector. Anyone who tells me that they have a lot of sex and always uses condoms is a big red flag for me. Why? Because they think that using condoms makes them safe. For the love of all that’s holy, condoms aren’t a magical prevent all. I am not saying that condoms don’t make sex safer. I certainly use them with partners to whom I am not fluid bonded. However when I tried to talk to the guy about safer sex and managing risks, all he kept repeating is that he used condoms.
This guy also wasn’t terribly appealing for other reasons. One of the things he noted was that he liked long, slow, fucks. You know what I am not terribly interested in when my partner is wearing a condom? Yeah, long and slow. I could keep bitching, but mostly this guy was looking for a person to have sex with and little else. I don’t consider myself Demi-sexual. I don’t have to love someone to have sex. But sex just for the physical action? I have yet to find a person that makes a purely physical connection worth while. I am probably biased. I stayed in a toxic relationship because I thought the sex was worthwhile. I would like to tell my earlier self to quit being an idiot. I managed to find more satisfying sex within a couple of weeks of the relationship ending. Looking back on it now, the sex was not worth it.
I had another guy ping me last night. He is 22. He told me how attractive my pictures were and that he would like to get to know me better. Ok, first of all, what do I want with a boy who is about the same age as my youngest child? I don’t want to tutor him and I can’t imagine we have much to talk about. See above about needing someone for the physical act. At least the other guy probably has some basic skills. What does a boy of 22 know?
I don’t need to be in love with the people I share physically intimacy with. However, I want to be able to hold a conversation with them. I wish this weren’t such a foreign concept to the people who choose to approach me online.
All right, in better news, a quick update about the people I actually am dating and other stuff:
Keto’s new friend is not getting my way and I am not getting in hers. We fulfill very different needs in his life and I am happy that he has someone he can see more frequently.
LT is in Hawai’i this week. He made sure to let me know he was flying out and where he would be. I am going to ask him to meet up for a meal or coffee when he gets back. I think some face to face time would be a good idea, but I don’t want to be intimate until after fair is over. I simply don’t have the time to be emotionally considerate of his needs, much less get mine addressed with him.
Rope Guy is the front runner, since he lives relatively close to me and his life became less complicated schedule wise. I will also note that his partner is the best metamour I have had in a very long time. (I had the joy of being dismissed by a former metamor recently, reminding me how much I disliked dealing with them.)
Last night I went to a “wet munch” (a kink social gathering at a bar). It was incredibly crowded, so much so that I spent the night perched on a barstool. It was uncomfortable to move. Somehow I ended up holding court. It felt so natural. For the hour or so I was there with my little coterie of men. There was Keto and a couple of the people in his social group. There was my little sub, who has adopted me. There was a fellow I know from dance groups and fair. I was aware that he was part of the kink scene, but we actually talked last night, so now I have a kink buddy at fair. (To add to the other kink buddies I already have.) However this kink buddy can dance!
I had trouble thinking of a song to go with this entry until I remembered one by Nelly Furtado and Timbaland. It seems pretty close to perfect.
Today's Song - Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado ft. Timbaland
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