EXTERIOR SUBURBAN STREET-- SIDEWALK -- TWILIGHT
Two people are walking a small dog in the gloaming light of the evening. JT is dressed in cargo pants and a tight black sweater, a Star Wars baseball cap on his head. RACHEL is wearing jeans and an orange sweatshirt. She has hold of the leash. The dog is an adorable puggle. The houses they walk past are well kept. Lighted windows reflecting television news and sports spill out on front lawns. The scene breaks in on the conversation already in progress.
JT
Well, at least DA was good for something.
RACHEL
*shrug* He was good for and at a lot of stuff.
He is also 30, lousy at communication and immature as hell.
He is also 30, lousy at communication and immature as hell.
JT
Sweetie, you really need to stop making excuses for him.
RACHEL
What I need to do is stop thinking about him. I am so tired of it. It's not like he thinks about me...
JT
Oh honey, why do you think that? Because he never calls, he never writes? You spent three years with the man and you think he doesn't think of you? I would bet dollars to doughnuts that he thinks about you as frequently as you think about him...if not more.
RACHEL
Dollars to doughnuts? Really?
JT
(makes a sour face)
What? It's a perfectly acceptable phrase.
RACHEL
(pauses to allow the dog to sniff at something)
I guess.
JT
Why do you think that he doesn't think about you? Because you have no proof. Because he doesn't write whiny entries in a blog for you to read.
RACHEL
(makes a pained face)
Ouch!
JT
I am just calling a spade a spade, Rae. And trust me, you are digging the wrong hole with yours.
RACHEL
(gently tugs on the leash to get the dog to move along)
I don't want to be so hung up.
JT
Yes, Rachel the perfect emotional specimen who can control her feelings.
RACHEL
It's not like that...
JT
Look, I know it's been a long time since you have had your heart truly broken. Trust me, it was about fucking time. You were getting insufferable.
I am not sure what was worse, that you didn't know how fortunate you've been in your love life or that you didn't see how badly that asshole was treating you. Even he admitted he was a shit. How many times did he tell you that you deserved better? I have to wonder if a few more heartbreaks wouldn't have helped you see the relationship for what it was a helluva a lot sooner.
RACHEL
(walks a little faster)
So I am a stupid ass?
JT
Rachel, I hate it when you do this. Quit taking things so damn personally.
Look you are human. You were in a relationship. For whatever reason, you genuinely cared for DA and I guess he cared for you, in his own fucked up way. If I had to guess, and I am only guessing, I imagine that he thinks that you are better off without him and so he is staying away.
RACHEL
(pauses to let the dog do her business)
I thought you said it was because his current girlfriend didn't want him talking to me.
JT
What is it about that man that makes you so bloody binary?
Look, I don't know. For that matter, neither do you. DA doesn't give you a handy, dandy blog to read that tells you about his innermost thoughts and feelings.
Rachel, I don't know why he isn't talking to you. It's probably something that has very little to do with you or how he feels about you. It is probably some thing in his head that he has made into a big fucking deal. He probably thinks it's his only option.
I know telling you to let him go won't help. How many times did you tell me the same thing about M?
RACHEL
That was different. I mean...
JT
No, it isn't different. It is good advice and it is completely useless for most people.
The heart heals in it's own time. You can't make things better through will power. If you see DA, it will hurt. If you don't see him, it will hurt. If you talk to him on the phone or e-mail or text or fucking Morse code, it will hurt. If you have zero communication with him, it will hurt.
RACHEL
So I don't talk to him. I haven't, for weeks. I try not to think about him. I try.
JT
Do you know the worst day of knowing you was? The day you told me, quite happily, that you were pregnant by H2. You don't want to know how much booze our friends poured down my gullet that night. Trust me, it didn't help. I didn't know I could feel so much pain. I think the only thing that could have been worse is if you hadn't wanted to tell me right away. How you could have let that asshole knock you up?
RACHEL
(stopping for a moment and petting the dog)
I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you.
JT
JT
I doubt DA ever wanted to hurt you. That doesn't mean shit when you hurt, dear. I wish that you didn't have to go through this pain with this putz. You may have broken my heart more than once, but overall it's been worth it. You are worth it.
DA is going to get married, have children, and live a life without you. Whatever magical power has allowed you to watch a series of your exes continue life without you while you seemingly don't care, is beyond me. I just hope you haven't lost it because of this jerk.
RACHEL
I care.
JT
(looks at her in askance)
How did H2 find out that your marriage was effectively over?
RACHEL
(blushing and not meeting his eyes)
I spent the weekend in Lake Tahoe with my current husband.
JT
Rachel, did it ever occur to you how devastating that was for him?
RACHEL
(sounding defensive)
He dumped me on instant messenger while he was on a business trip!
JT
(gives her a look)
Your volatile husband, whom you had been with for some seven years, got upset and texted something stupid? Imagine my shock and surprise.
RACHEL
(looking abashed)
Well, when you put it that way. But I was really upset.
JT
Of course you were. I didn't mean you were heartless. I remember how upset you were. You were so upset that you dove right into another relationship, one that has been successful for over a decade. You have a house, a degree, a new career and relationship that works surprisingly well.
(sarcastically)
I can see how you were crushed.
RACHEL
I should have done things differently?
JT
Rachel, you are resilient. You are probably one of the most resilient people I know. And given the shit that life has handed you, I can't imagine you could be any other way. I know that your seeming callousness is hiding a lot of damage done by your family.
So, no I can't imagine you would do things differently. But I would like you to imagine things from DA's point of view, if you could.
RACHEL
(falsetto imitation)
I am happy because I found someone younger, prettier, and who is sparkly and wonderful.
JT
Yeah, it fucking hurts, doesn't it?
Imagine how H2 felt when you found someone younger and more successful. A man who adores and treasures you, who gives you all of the things that H2 still can't.
I don't know DA feels. If I were him and saw the way you were snapping back, I wouldn't want to talk to you either. I would feel like a schmuck. Further, a man who you dated for three volatile years texts something stupid in anger and frustration and it cost him his entire relationship?
And while yes, he can read (if he chooses) your processing and frustration, when you have you stated that you were sorry, that you wanted him back and that you would do anything to fix things? Not bitching on your blog, but told him to his face that you were really sorry and that you wanted things to be different?
RACHEL
(stopping the walk)
Why would I say that?
JT
(smacks his forehead)
And you wonder why the man doesn't want to talk to you?
RACHEL
JT, he dumped me! He chose her over me. He ended the relationship. All I did was say the damn words!
JT
(holding up his hands)
I know, I know. For whatever reason, the relationship ended. And you aren't the type of person to throw yourself on your knees and beg. You never have been. Did it ever occur to you to walk it back? Did it ever occur to you to ask if there was something you could do to fix it?
Rachel, do you understand that you never asked DA to give your relationship another chance? You refused his friendship.
(shakes his head)
No, no, no, I read the transcript. He said maybe and he offered you his sincere friendship. You told him off and refused him outright. That was when he told you goodbye.
RACHEL
(tugs on the leash, walking away quickly)
I didn't ask to be hurt. Do you understand what that ass did to me?
JT
(following after RACHEL)
Yes, I know what he did. He did what people do to each other when they care about each other. They hurt each other. DA and you had been hurting each other for a long time. You were both responsible and neither of you were doing anything about it except causing each other more pain. I can't say for him, but I know, as much as you don't like to admit it, that you are relieved that it's over.
RACHEL
(gasping sound)
JT
Yes, you say all the right words. I should say you write them. That's your problem, honey. You write the correct words, not what you feel. You are so busy writing the things that you should be, hoping that DA and anyone else will see how over him you are that you aren't actually writing how you feel.
And then you are angry that DA, who has never seemed to understand what anyone else is feeling, isn't able to understand what you really mean.
And given that his usual strategy is to retreat and hide when he has to deal with conflict, I can't imagine why he is avoiding you like the Red Death.
RACHEL
(slows down, half smiling)
Must you make Poe references? That's a DA thing.
JT
(shrugs)
Old Edgar Allan wasn't resilient, was he? He drank and used opium. He hid from his problems, his feelings and avoided conflict until it killed him. It seems to me that DA has a lot in common with the man.
RACHEL
(stopping to allow the dog to sniff another tree)
What should I do?
JT
About DA? Well, you can keep on doing nothing and whining in your blog.
RACHEL
Hey!
JT
Calling it like I see it. You are whining. You are hoping that DA will suddenly grow a spine and decide to initiate some sort of action if you just write something properly inspirational.
I'll owe you a fancy dinner with all the wine pairings if that happens.
If you want to talk to DA, by all means, contact him. That is what it will take. You will have to put your cards on the table and give him all the power. He won't talk to you any other way. He never has and there is no reason for him to change. He is better at waiting than you will ever be.
RACHEL
(walking forward again)
I don't want to give him all the power. I hate it. I hated it.
JT
Then you have given up on the relationship.
RACHEL
No, wait. Why do I have to be the one? Are you saying that DA has no interest in friendship? That I should just give up.
(pointing in the dimming light)
There's the park up ahead.
JT
I don't honestly know. I only know what you have told me. I understand why you still care about the guy. I wish you didn't, but who am I to talk? But I have no idea what he feels. I think that DA doesn't know how he feels.
Based on my own experience, I think DA misses you desperately. I imagine that he has thought about contacting you multiple times. If I were him, I would be paging through your blog and arguing with myself. Then I would imagine all the awful (and mostly true) things you could say to me and that would stay my hand. I know it stopped me back when.
Rachel, I love you, but not only are you a bitch, but you are an intimidating one. I don't know why you don't get that.
RACHEL
(sitting on the park bench)
I'm not mean. At least I don't intend to be. I just get...
so you think DA wants me to contact him?
JT
(sighs and sits down next to RACHEL)
Rachel, the only person who can answer that for you is DA. The only way is to ask him directly.
And no, I don't think you should. I think that if he cared enough about you, he would have never let you go. Whatever this other woman means to him, he invested just as much in you as you did in him. You should never feel like you have to remind him that you are worthy. You are worthy just by being your awesome self.
You know how I know that? Because you have friends who rushed to support you before the break up was finalized. You have Keto, KzF, Tas, all begging to give you their attention. More importantly you have your husband who has put up with all of this shit and still loves you. You have five talents and you are very good at making them pay off.
DA is a man who is clinging to one talent and hoping it pays off by burying it. Maybe it will, but there are very few men who have let you go and been better off for it. I don't mean the men who transition to friendship. Dating you kind of sucks, you really are a pain in the ass. I don't blame anyone, even DA, who decides that they can't date you.
RACHEL
(hits JT on the shoulder)
Hey now!
JT
(smiling)
I'm kidding, really.
But, Rachel. You don't need DA. You might want him. He showed up at a time in your life when you were pretty low and I will grant that he was helpful through some rough patches. But when you realized that he couldn't provide you with what you needed you started reaching out to other people and expanding your social network. There is a reason that you were able to hit the ground running back in July, you know before the relationship ended.
DA needed you. I think he still does. He might not want to. I bet it's dreadfully inconvenient, especially if this other gal expects his total devotion. But I don't think you see how much he depended on you.
If you come to him, begging and pleading for his friendship, then he gets what he needs and doesn't have to give you anything. He gets a return on his talent by taking them from you, which he is damn good at. He stays safe. He gets to keep the talent given to him and keep it buried.
See that's the thing, Rachel. I don't think you have buried a talent in your entire life. Maybe that's why you always seem to land on your feet, like some damn cat. You are constantly getting talents in return.
RACHEL
(oofs when the dog jumps into her lap)
So you are saying that I can go back to the way things were, where I am being used and am begging for something in return?
JT
(reaches over and scritches the dog between the ears)
Yeah, I think that you'd find that things are going to be about the same if you contact him and offer him any sort of friendship. He already got you to smooth things for him at the Christmas fair just by dragging his feet.
RACHEL
(hugging the dog in her arms)
So I should just keep doing what I am doing?
JT
No, I think you should stop hoping that DA reads your blog. I think you should stop caring. Stop giving him anything, Rachel. Don't let him live rent free in your head.
You need to talk about him with me or on your blog or whatever, go right on ahead. You suck at processing strong emotions and for whatever reason, you have strong feelings for that asshole. Feelings I have rarely seen from you. He should fucking bottle whatever he did to you, I know people who would pay cash money for your devotion.
RACHEL
Am I that bad?
JT
No, but I wish you would do things for yourself.
Process, don't lie. Process, don't try to write the thing that will get him to pay attention. He won't pay. He has too many years of getting you at no cost. When you demanded anything from him, he just retreated into his selfish hole and refused you. You always came to him, offering something in compensation for his trouble.
Process for you, Rachel. You can't change anything about him. You never could. You will never be what he thinks he needs.
Sadiya was good enough until Kevin took over. Kevin was acceptable until you came along. You were good enough until Primary stepped up. The two of you were good enough until this new girl came along. Who knows, maybe he'll dump her when he finds someone he thinks is better. Hopefully she will dump him when she finds someone better, it would serve him right.
Maybe he will grow up, sweetie. Maybe he will approach you, talent in hand, and ask you to help him share it with the world. Until he does, let him bury it in the darkness while he watches you shine. If he wants to torture himself by reading your blog, then who cares. If he isn't reading your blog, who the fuck cares?
So, write this out and then any time you want to write an entry that you think might speak to him, don't publish it. Don't waste your time. Figure out what you need, not what you can give him.
And the last thing, welcome to the world. You really should think a moment about how it feels to watch you bounce along like you feel nothing as you move on with your life, without seemingly looking back.
I know you feel, but damn if it just looks like you drop people and move on the exact same way that DA did to you. If you feel hurt, good, because maybe you'll be more careful of those of us who can't help but love you, even knowing it will break our hearts.
RACHEL
(letting the dog jump down)
Is it really that awful? I am sorry, JT.
JT
If you weren't worth it, you wouldn't be so blessed, Rachel. Just don't forget how you came by the many talents you have.
JT
(smacks his forehead)
And you wonder why the man doesn't want to talk to you?
RACHEL
JT, he dumped me! He chose her over me. He ended the relationship. All I did was say the damn words!
JT
(holding up his hands)
I know, I know. For whatever reason, the relationship ended. And you aren't the type of person to throw yourself on your knees and beg. You never have been. Did it ever occur to you to walk it back? Did it ever occur to you to ask if there was something you could do to fix it?
Rachel, do you understand that you never asked DA to give your relationship another chance? You refused his friendship.
(shakes his head)
No, no, no, I read the transcript. He said maybe and he offered you his sincere friendship. You told him off and refused him outright. That was when he told you goodbye.
RACHEL
(tugs on the leash, walking away quickly)
I didn't ask to be hurt. Do you understand what that ass did to me?
JT
(following after RACHEL)
Yes, I know what he did. He did what people do to each other when they care about each other. They hurt each other. DA and you had been hurting each other for a long time. You were both responsible and neither of you were doing anything about it except causing each other more pain. I can't say for him, but I know, as much as you don't like to admit it, that you are relieved that it's over.
RACHEL
(gasping sound)
JT
Yes, you say all the right words. I should say you write them. That's your problem, honey. You write the correct words, not what you feel. You are so busy writing the things that you should be, hoping that DA and anyone else will see how over him you are that you aren't actually writing how you feel.
And then you are angry that DA, who has never seemed to understand what anyone else is feeling, isn't able to understand what you really mean.
And given that his usual strategy is to retreat and hide when he has to deal with conflict, I can't imagine why he is avoiding you like the Red Death.
RACHEL
(slows down, half smiling)
Must you make Poe references? That's a DA thing.
JT
(shrugs)
Old Edgar Allan wasn't resilient, was he? He drank and used opium. He hid from his problems, his feelings and avoided conflict until it killed him. It seems to me that DA has a lot in common with the man.
RACHEL
(stopping to allow the dog to sniff another tree)
What should I do?
JT
About DA? Well, you can keep on doing nothing and whining in your blog.
RACHEL
Hey!
JT
Calling it like I see it. You are whining. You are hoping that DA will suddenly grow a spine and decide to initiate some sort of action if you just write something properly inspirational.
I'll owe you a fancy dinner with all the wine pairings if that happens.
If you want to talk to DA, by all means, contact him. That is what it will take. You will have to put your cards on the table and give him all the power. He won't talk to you any other way. He never has and there is no reason for him to change. He is better at waiting than you will ever be.
RACHEL
(walking forward again)
I don't want to give him all the power. I hate it. I hated it.
JT
Then you have given up on the relationship.
RACHEL
No, wait. Why do I have to be the one? Are you saying that DA has no interest in friendship? That I should just give up.
(pointing in the dimming light)
There's the park up ahead.
JT
I don't honestly know. I only know what you have told me. I understand why you still care about the guy. I wish you didn't, but who am I to talk? But I have no idea what he feels. I think that DA doesn't know how he feels.
Based on my own experience, I think DA misses you desperately. I imagine that he has thought about contacting you multiple times. If I were him, I would be paging through your blog and arguing with myself. Then I would imagine all the awful (and mostly true) things you could say to me and that would stay my hand. I know it stopped me back when.
Rachel, I love you, but not only are you a bitch, but you are an intimidating one. I don't know why you don't get that.
RACHEL
(sitting on the park bench)
I'm not mean. At least I don't intend to be. I just get...
so you think DA wants me to contact him?
JT
(sighs and sits down next to RACHEL)
Rachel, the only person who can answer that for you is DA. The only way is to ask him directly.
And no, I don't think you should. I think that if he cared enough about you, he would have never let you go. Whatever this other woman means to him, he invested just as much in you as you did in him. You should never feel like you have to remind him that you are worthy. You are worthy just by being your awesome self.
You know how I know that? Because you have friends who rushed to support you before the break up was finalized. You have Keto, KzF, Tas, all begging to give you their attention. More importantly you have your husband who has put up with all of this shit and still loves you. You have five talents and you are very good at making them pay off.
DA is a man who is clinging to one talent and hoping it pays off by burying it. Maybe it will, but there are very few men who have let you go and been better off for it. I don't mean the men who transition to friendship. Dating you kind of sucks, you really are a pain in the ass. I don't blame anyone, even DA, who decides that they can't date you.
RACHEL
(hits JT on the shoulder)
Hey now!
JT
(smiling)
I'm kidding, really.
But, Rachel. You don't need DA. You might want him. He showed up at a time in your life when you were pretty low and I will grant that he was helpful through some rough patches. But when you realized that he couldn't provide you with what you needed you started reaching out to other people and expanding your social network. There is a reason that you were able to hit the ground running back in July, you know before the relationship ended.
DA needed you. I think he still does. He might not want to. I bet it's dreadfully inconvenient, especially if this other gal expects his total devotion. But I don't think you see how much he depended on you.
If you come to him, begging and pleading for his friendship, then he gets what he needs and doesn't have to give you anything. He gets a return on his talent by taking them from you, which he is damn good at. He stays safe. He gets to keep the talent given to him and keep it buried.
See that's the thing, Rachel. I don't think you have buried a talent in your entire life. Maybe that's why you always seem to land on your feet, like some damn cat. You are constantly getting talents in return.
RACHEL
(oofs when the dog jumps into her lap)
So you are saying that I can go back to the way things were, where I am being used and am begging for something in return?
JT
(reaches over and scritches the dog between the ears)
Yeah, I think that you'd find that things are going to be about the same if you contact him and offer him any sort of friendship. He already got you to smooth things for him at the Christmas fair just by dragging his feet.
RACHEL
(hugging the dog in her arms)
So I should just keep doing what I am doing?
JT
No, I think you should stop hoping that DA reads your blog. I think you should stop caring. Stop giving him anything, Rachel. Don't let him live rent free in your head.
You need to talk about him with me or on your blog or whatever, go right on ahead. You suck at processing strong emotions and for whatever reason, you have strong feelings for that asshole. Feelings I have rarely seen from you. He should fucking bottle whatever he did to you, I know people who would pay cash money for your devotion.
RACHEL
Am I that bad?
JT
No, but I wish you would do things for yourself.
Process, don't lie. Process, don't try to write the thing that will get him to pay attention. He won't pay. He has too many years of getting you at no cost. When you demanded anything from him, he just retreated into his selfish hole and refused you. You always came to him, offering something in compensation for his trouble.
Process for you, Rachel. You can't change anything about him. You never could. You will never be what he thinks he needs.
Sadiya was good enough until Kevin took over. Kevin was acceptable until you came along. You were good enough until Primary stepped up. The two of you were good enough until this new girl came along. Who knows, maybe he'll dump her when he finds someone he thinks is better. Hopefully she will dump him when she finds someone better, it would serve him right.
Maybe he will grow up, sweetie. Maybe he will approach you, talent in hand, and ask you to help him share it with the world. Until he does, let him bury it in the darkness while he watches you shine. If he wants to torture himself by reading your blog, then who cares. If he isn't reading your blog, who the fuck cares?
So, write this out and then any time you want to write an entry that you think might speak to him, don't publish it. Don't waste your time. Figure out what you need, not what you can give him.
And the last thing, welcome to the world. You really should think a moment about how it feels to watch you bounce along like you feel nothing as you move on with your life, without seemingly looking back.
I know you feel, but damn if it just looks like you drop people and move on the exact same way that DA did to you. If you feel hurt, good, because maybe you'll be more careful of those of us who can't help but love you, even knowing it will break our hearts.
RACHEL
(letting the dog jump down)
Is it really that awful? I am sorry, JT.
JT
If you weren't worth it, you wouldn't be so blessed, Rachel. Just don't forget how you came by the many talents you have.
Let's head back to the house and see if we can dig up the book about talents. Now, I want to read it again.
RACHEL and JT stand up from the bench and walk into the darkness, lit by pools of streetlamps. They talk as they walk away from the camera, their voices fading.
On the screen these words fade in.
God is neither good nor evil,
neither loving nor hating.
God is Power.
God is Change.
We must find the rest of what we need
within ourselves,
in one another,
in our Destiny.
neither loving nor hating.
God is Power.
God is Change.
We must find the rest of what we need
within ourselves,
in one another,
in our Destiny.
Over the words, a song by the Traveling Wilburys plays as the scene fades out.
(edited on 10/4/2018 for grammar and formatting.)
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