I went to a new munch on Sunday. It was a nerd munch held in a bar in the South Bay. Did you know that there is a Star Wars bar in Silicon Valley? Yeah, neither did I.
It was a really good gathering. I knew people, I met people that I had only spoken with online. I met new people. Oh, and Keto was there. He drove all the way down the mountain to attend. I don't know if it was to just see me, but we probably spent more than half the munch talking.
He showed me pictures of his trip to Vietnam. He showed me projects he was working on. He told me about stuff that had happened over the weekend. To give credit where credit is due, it was DA who showed me how important it is to let someone talk about the daily minutiae of their day. I am so used to living with people that I always have someone to tell about what's going on. When someone lives alone, I have found that they really need to be able to just talk about their day. It was rather sweet.
I am just guessing here, but I think Keto is interested. I don't know, because even though he has spanked me twice there has been a few hugs, it hasn't gone beyond that. I don't know if he is because he isn't saying anything. Argh!!!!!
A friend of mine told me that I am just going to have to lay my cards on the table. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate gambling. I don't want to deal with rejection right now.
Yes, I could wait. You be quiet, you.
However, if I wait for Keto, it could put things off too long. Emotional connection is one thing and I know better than to get too deeply involved right now. However, getting to know each other both physically (which we have already started) and as people is not something I want to delay. I did some mental math and I realized that between now and the beginning of workshops for the Christmas fair, I only have a couple of free weekends. I have this coming weekend and I have one in October. I could also carve out a weekend day in October if I want to. Between workshops and the fair, my available weekend time will be virtually non-existent until after Christmas. Given that Keto lives too far away for weekday overnights (at his place), once the fair season begins, we will be limited to what time we can spare each other when he is down the mountain. (Thankfully his contract starts on 10/1, which means he will be in the valley every weekday until at least January.)
My options are to do nothing and hope that Keto either steps up and says something or I have to to take action. Given how shy Keto seems to be (remember he noticed me back in July and didn't contact me until September), I think I have to suck up my fears and make the first big move.
Yes, I know that many men a appreciate a woman who is assertive and makes things easy for them. I also know that I am scared to death that I will come across as too clingy, needy, or just unattractive. And yes, the fact that I am still recovering from my relationship with DA is definitely a factor.
My justification is this:
Having a play partner seems to be a healthy thing. Getting regular spankings has done wonders for my attitude. (*ahem* I heard that!)
The time constraints I am dealing with are significant enough that I feel I should be the one to communicate them to him. If I don't, it will probably look like I am not interested. Keto doesn't know the fair community, I'm not sure he'll understand if I suddenly drop off the face of the planet. Especially given that the amount of free time I have between now and workshops is limited.
So here is the thought that I am waffling about instead of putting into action. I figure I write him an e-mail. Yes, an e-mail, he lives on the top of a mountain and so his telephone service is intermittent at best. An e-mail has the best chance of catching him in a timely manner. Shush you!
In this e-mail that I am planning to write, I figure I will let him know that my free weekends are the one upcoming and what I have in October. There is a *ahem* party this Saturday, so I was going to suggest we could meet there. I am thinking of adding that we could go back to his place (which is 30 minutes away); sleeping arrangements to be negotiated or meet before the party. (The idea is to get some alone time together.)
The next opportunity for an overnight would be in mid October and there is a possibility of a weekend day visit in October. That's all I have. After mid October, it's catch as catch can. I am a busy gal.
See, this all makes sense in my little logical brain and its perfectly logical to tell him my scheduling limitations. However, I think I am probably overthinking this. Strike that, I know I am overthinking this. I am worried that I have the wrong impression and this guy isn't really into me. I am deathly afraid of being rejected.
But I figure I will write the e-mail tonight. The worst that will happen is that I will have misconstrued his interest and he'll tell me that wasn't his intention.
There is no better artist for painful break-ups or tentative relationship exploration than Abba. So, I'll allow them to provide the soundtrack for this entry.
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